I'm just wondering how I can improve my writing. (both original and fanfic)

Some samples:

Poetry. :

This story I wrote for a friend:

Okay, sorry if the only stuff I found was really depressing....

Feedback needed!

And also, I want some tips to write happy things. 

 :bunnypokerface

What I like about your writing is that it's very straightforward and to-the-point; some of the words you choose are very emotional and it makes the reader want to keep reading, and in many of the things you write, it's perfect - like a scene out of a play or almost like a talking poem. However, at times readers might want to read a little more. They want to languish in the emotion, to see the scene, and while you're delivering a great script and stage directions, it can leave the reader a little disoriented when scenes change quickly. My suggestion would be to stop and smell the roses you're writing. =) Craft in a few descriptions of the scene, of the people, of their emotions - just fill 'er up!

But again, especially for the pieces here, you have a great writing style with powerful phrases and direct language. XD You just might want to add a little stuffing to the strong bones!


As for writing happy things, I, too, may occasionally suffer from such a disorder  :bunnypokerface XD In fact, it took one of the GC writing contests to actually make me write a happy short for a change! My suggestion is to listen to some upbeat music, think of a happy scene (even one you have experienced or seen before elsewhere) and try to write it out. Try describing the emotion, hint at it in the descriptions, the word choices, and take your time. It's actually a good exercise to sit down and write something that attempts to make the reader feel what you're feeling. Write a few paragraphs that make people feel bored. Write a few that make people feel like they're loved. A lot of the time word choice sets the tone of a piece, and you're pretty good with word choices. ^^


Hope this helped!

I just end up writing happy things, I'm not good at writing sad stuff.

Thanks Kyra!

I feel that my writing style is the opposite of what it was 2-3 years ago, as it used to be really descriptive....

And one other thing: how good am I at characterizing the SM characters?

Death of The Lady (sorry Hikari):

I'm not sure if I should bump this thread... but no one answered my other question, and I'd like to know if it feels rushed....

Hey hon. I'm gonna try my best to give you the feedback you want and i love you and your style greatly so please understand this is just my thoughts and opinions on the matter at hand ok?

why the numbers instead of separate paragraphs? I think that might help things flow unless this is a poem then a different form is needed that looks something like this:

stanzas:

I think that for some of your work it might be better suited to this kind of set up than what you've been doing.

If it's not a pome you're going for try adding more description to the story, a few filler lines go a long way to help set the mood or scene.

When they keep saying I killed her. You could try instead of this same line over and over try for Mamoru, "I killed My love." For Haruka, "I killed Kitten." make it just a little more personal for the reader to attach too. One could even say "I killed My Princess" or "I killed My Queen."

When writing I find that it helps to describe the person i'm writing about. since this is all first person I would talk about Usa. I would compare her hair to "golden rays of sun through the trees on a warm autumn afternoon in the park." of if you like silver for your moon princess's hair, "sliver beams of crescent light falling in waves over her pale as moonlight at midnight skin." or something. You could try to bring just a little more emotion from the characters you are writing for into it. Mamoru just lost the love of his live and the mother of his only child. He will be torn up, you can put that hurt in to his part. Rei, Minako, Mako and Ami just lost their best friend, the outers lost their princess, the one person they swore to protect.
With Haruka choosing love over duty a little guilt thrown in some how would really help sell the whole of her part.

I still believe that this is a great piece! I really like it and you have a unique style of writing, and i hope i didn't hurt your feelings cause i didn't mean to and i am sorry if i did!

The "I killed her" line was for dramatic repetitive effect... I don't know how well that worked, though. For the last few, I was kind of running out of stamina. I'm not very good with description as, for me, it makes the story lose flow and I rarely edit things. The numbers are just there as a personal quirk. 

So you'd prefer deeper exploration into the aftermath of her death. I guess I sort of do it with the last lines of everyone's story, so an expansion of them? 

And which one do you think is the best, Ed? (IMHO, my best one is Hotaru's and worst Michiru's)

I think there can be power in short, succinct words, sometime moreso than long, descriptive ones. It's just tough to do so much with so few words. But if that's what you're aiming for, definitely try that. I think some of these lines are already powerful, and I see what you're doing with the first line being all the same. I think you were trying to get straight into the emotional bits by disregarding any descriptions and that works quite effectively for me.

I particularly love Haruka's line: "In my war between love and duty, I chose love. And lost." And Rei's: "If only I'd allowed her to be a coward."

What's difficult though is explaining what exactly happened, as sometimes it feels a lot like flat-out telling which takes all the emotions out of it. For example, this line of Makoto: "Unfortunately, this caused me to fall unconscious partway through the battle." It feels flat and emotionless. Maybe you could've said "But it took everything out of me, and the next thing I knew everything was black." Or something like that, something deeper than just 'here's what happened'.

As for Mamoru's bit, I think it would have been more powerful if you'd just let it end at 'And so am I.' The last line feels redundant/a repeat of the first one.

Overall I really like this, though! You managed to pull so much emotion with just few words, and that's always wonderful.

Well hotaru!s and ami's stayed with me. As for what I'd prefer isn't relevant since it's your work, I'm having a tid bit of trouble trying to figure out if this us a short story a one shot or what, sine the style is so different than what I'm used too and I think that due to the language difference.