“Don’t look back,” she urged herself in a whisper so quiet that the movement of her lips seemed louder than the air that trembled as it passed through. Her fingers clutched at her bag as she pushed herself forward, one foot in front of the other, forcing her chin to stay up and trying to keep her shaking to herself as she walked away from the only person who had ever given her butterflies. The only person who had ever made her feel weak at the knees with just a smile. The only person who --

She grit her teeth and focused on the floor in front of her feet, refusing to acknowledge any of that. It didn’t matter now. It wouldn’t work. She passed through the glass doors, leaving the cool open air for the closeted interior of the ballroom, the space as expansive as it was suffocating. Deep, panicky breaths did little to calm her as she strode through the crowd, eyes glued to the wooden floor and the flashes of fancy dresses and shining dress shoes that guided her steadily away from the balcony and the future she had thought possible before destiny had caught up to and ensnared her.

Her fist brushed up against something warm and she turned with an apology on her lips only to find him, his hand outstretched towards her hesitantly, his expression so confused and hurt that it made her heart just ache to see him like that. She averted her gaze, took another step back to lengthen the distance between them and turned -

“Usagi,” he said, and her heart thudded so painfully that she raised her empty hand to press against her chest to quiet it. “I thought - ?” his quiet question stopped the moment she shook her head to stop him; she couldn’t handle this - she wasn’t strong enough to face him, not yet. She took another step back, her heels unsteady beneath her as she turned away from him, needing to escape. It had taken everything she had to reject him, everything she had to practice those words over and over again, and everything she had to deliver them and walk away. She didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t trust herself enough to do what was right; her head was nothing compared to her heart, and her heart wanted…

She grit her teeth to strengthen her resolve, but his warm hand touched her shoulder and she all but froze in place. “You don’t want this,” he said, his quiet yet forceful confidence rang with careful incredulity as he read her easily, just as he always seemed to do, and she quivered, feeling everything fall apart. She couldn’t help her tears; he knew she was a crybaby anyway - “Why, then?” he asked, his tone softening as her shoulders shook. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She turned back to look at him, her eyes finding his for the first time that night. Mamoru. “Why couldn’t it have been you?”

It wasn’t cheating, she told herself over and over, her hands sliding into his hair, her lips finding his again and again, sharing breath and caresses and warmth in the cool air of the marina, the chilling breeze causing nearly as many goosebumps as his fingers as they traveled up her back; her mind kept tugging at her heart, demanding explanation, demanding reason, demanding that loyalties to a life long lost put an end to this affair, even as her love flew stronger and larger than life in the gale storm they made when they were together. Whenever he was near, that guilt-laden kitestring was nothing but a passing annoyance dwarfed by the excitement of being with him - the pleasure of his presence, the allure of their easy banter, the thrill of his touch, the impossible temptation of his kiss… everything else simply ceased to be when she was with him. There was no war, no Dark Kingdom, no past life, no present danger - there was just him and her and them, plain and simple and only too easy to get lost in.

He pulled farther away than a taking a breath warranted and her eyes fluttered open, her arms moving to pull him back, nearly falling off of the railing in the heady dizziness that being with him caused her. He steadied her easily, his hands finding her waist, his head shaking, an intoxicating smile pulling at his lips as he marveled at her carelessness; she took advantage, linking her fingers behind his neck and leaning in closer, “Please don’t go,” she said, the space between them already giving enough room for the unpleasantness to push its way back in.

“We’ve got school in the morning,” he stepped in to rest his forehead against hers, “It’s late enough as it is, Bunhead,” he replied, his rough voice sending a shiver down her spine, “And you can’t convince me you’ll get up on time this time - I know better.”

She laughed at his response and he lifted her down, his hand easily finding hers as they followed the path towards the city streets. She intertwined her fingers with his and wished they didn’t have to part - not now, not ever - but as they reached her house, they did. She avoided her mother’s mischievous smile, her father’s questioning gaze, her brother’s loud tease, and as she closed her door behind her, she avoided Luna’s wide eyes, but she felt their weight anyway as she gathered her things for her bath. “Usagi-chan…” Luna said, her voice trailing off without finishing her thought as Usagi paused by her door.

“I…” she swallowed, the easy giddiness she had felt with him all but gone, her chest heavy, the words sticking to her throat. “I’m selfish,” she said quietly, “I can’t help - “ she choked on the lie, “I…” Her hand gripped the door handle and twisted, “I’m sorry I’m disappointing you,” she said, then quickly exited, closing the door behind her. She couldn’t bear to see Luna look at her like that.