| | | [Multiverse] [Advanced] Anne Herbert, Lieutenant of the Skies |    |
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Lt Light Ark Star Seed
 
Title : Lightbringer Posts : 41 Join date : 2017-11-03 Age : 28 Location : Brazil
![[Multiverse] [Advanced] Anne Herbert, Lieutenant of the Skies Empty](https://2img.net/i/fa/empty.gif) |  Subject: [Multiverse] [Advanced] Anne Herbert, Lieutenant of the Skies ![[Multiverse] [Advanced] Anne Herbert, Lieutenant of the Skies I_icon_minitime](https://2img.net/s/t/21/09/42/i_icon_minitime.gif) 20th November 2018, 6:10 am | |
| Advanced Character Profile Character Name: Anne HerbertGender: Female Age: 14Universe: Elemental Spirits (Urban Fantasy/Magical Boy Girl)Canon or Original: Original- Appearance (here she is wielding both rapiers):
Appearance: She is a blonde with pigtails, like Usagi. Although shorter, she dresses as a girly girl would dress, medium skirt, blouse, high heels, and earrings. Ironic for reasons that you will see below. She takes time to choose her clothes when she studied in the US. She often wears high heels, not having problems since she also uses her magic to reduce stress on her feet. She has deep emerald colored eyes, a fairly girly frame since she LIKES that way. Her hair is not nearly as long as Usagi has, much to her chagrin since she wanted very long hair, although her hair is fairly straight and beautiful.Personality: A sweet, although short-tempered girl is Anne Herbert, at least on a first sight, the girl is pretty much a tomboy disguised as a 'proper girl'. She is a living contradiction for some standards since she is girly in the sense of liking pink colors, flowers, babies, crying over a romantic movie and being crazy about clothes, shoes, makeups, pop boy bands and has a hidden love for Football, Soccer, UFC, Monster Truck, War Games like Call of Duty. Arguably preferring to use modding to make her characters girls with pinky and floral motifs. Yin, her mascot finds every single moment cringe-worthy, why he does not appear when she is playing FPS. She loves KFC and Pepsi where as a result she will be always worried about her weight and her grandmother says 'I warned you, you glutton' and having behaviors more fitting to a man when she is alone.She is a girly girl with hidden male behaviors and tastes. She is a fan of Gundam for one side but despises animes like Highschool DXD. She is direct about it, she does not like because every single second a girl appears, she remembers her own assets since she is somewhat lacking and not because of the harem hijinks. She loves dogs because when she was a child she wandered in a forest ending up lost, where a big, white wolf did take her back home. Since then she purchases KFC pots and gives it to dogs as some sort of acknowledgment, it is one of her actions that her father does approve. Her father is not okay with her male tastes and behavior that she got from her grandma and himself. When she was a baby, she did cry, her grandmother lulled her to sleep by describing to her about what was happening in the fights on TV. Later on, her way to relax was to play games that are for a male audience. Ironically she is 10 times more toxic than a guy, where her fellow players do not see her as a girl, but instead as 'one of the dudes', often because she really hates when someone complains about toxicity and will swear no holds barred when you're not playing as you were supposed to play or by just being bad. She is short tempered, a trait that she took from her grandmother. Why she sometimes ends up in the principal's room, as she ends up going straight to punch when someone annoys or tries to be 'funny'. Her mother did disappear; her father could not be with her all the time because of his work, where her grandmother did take care of her as her surrogate mother. She does not take her mother's disappearance very well, being extremely resentful over that. Overall, she does not try to think too hard about that, as she would only be angrier and angrier and would probably make a hole on a wall effortlessly with or a kick or a punch since she would pour magic in her feet or hands. Air pressure allows her to looks stronger than she is really. Eliza is not a girl to hit the gym, preferring to do a diet instead. She got her artifact at her 6 years old, after accidentally finding it on a toy's store. Even with her supposed mission, she does not go around searching Dreamwalkers because... She doesn't feel like it, her mascot doesn't find them, being as much as successful as Birdie, so she felt like it 'would be an effort in futility' but she does kill the Dreamwalkers when they do appear, as she was done back in the past when one did attack her home. She does not like cats for that reason, thanks to said Dreamwalker that took the form of a big cat that had a small percentage of sapience and did say things like 'drinking her family's blood as she would kill her slowly because it seemed exciting' probably influenced by the all-encompassing hate into the world. We will not speak about what happened after out of respect to the kids in the topic.Any Unique Abilities/Skills:- Cloud Mansion:
: Sacred Realm of Anne’s soul, it is an ‘inner realm’ often called ‘Cloud Mansion’. It is a strange realm where Anne often finds her magical books, all which only have wind elements, it is where the Tornado Flute is located, as it is empty, and Anne must search the parts and recreate the Tornado Flute to fulfill her destiny. That, if she was really interested, it is also where her mascot’s true form stays most of the time, he is a small angel called 'Minerva', there are two shards into the altar by now instead of one, that unlocks more spells and increased her powers.
- Air Manipulation:
As the possessor of the Tornado Flute, Anne has the power to manipulate air/Wind, her having wind magic instead of Light, as Celice has.Anne can create, shape and manipulate air, the common name given to the layer of atmospheric gases and various compounds (mostly oxygen and nitrogen) surrounding the planet Earth that is retained by Earth's gravity, and wind, movement of air relative to the surface of the planet. It is an important factor in determining and controlling climate and weather, and the generating force of most ocean and freshwater waves. Wind occurs because of horizontal and vertical differences in atmospheric pressure, and include breezes, squalls, gusts, whirlwinds, zephyrs, gales, tempests, and hurricanes. Since air cannot be seen by conventional methods, neither can the attacks and derivatives formed by/from it, making it an invisible and versatile weapon that is very difficult to block and dodge. Applications. Aerokinetic Constructs – Creation of Blades and objects capable to slice by the razor Wind effect. Aero-Telekinesis by controlling the air around objects. Aerokinetic Flight. Repel projectiles by controlling air vectors. Enhanced Strength/Tactile Telekinesis by using air pressure to lift heavy objects and land a harder strike. Air Generation/Wind Generation Atmospheric Adaptation Enhanced Senses using air/wind Enhanced Hearing by amplifying air molecule vibrations. Enhanced Touch by reading the airwaves and feel any disturbances. Enhanced Speed by reducing air resistance and using pressurized air for propulsion. - Wind Spells:
Anne's list of spells, the addition of shards increase her magical/physical strength, as new spells are unlocked.Enchanting Spells Wind Weapon - She can concentrate the air around her weapon, extending the length of her blades and giving blunt weapons a slight shockwave to their impacts, she can also use this concentrated air to launch powerful razor winds. Breathe - This spell constantly provides her with a steady supply of breathable air, allowing her to breathe normally underwater, in high altitudes or even in the vacuum; she can use the wind to repel enemies away if they are close of her. Attack Spells Air Burst - She can collapse a tiny pocket of air from a distance to cause a violent shockwave to ripple outwards, its destructive power dependent on the energy she did invest, this can be cast very quickly and costs little energy. Pressure - She can control the air around a target to densify or thin until it becomes a vacuum of space, she also can use this spell to make 'invisible walls' or to use the differences of density to break things with punches and kicks easy. Healing Spells Zephyr - She can improve the air for herself or an ally, giving then a natural surge of improvement to their physical endurance and stamina, this can be cast frequently and at little cost to her energy. She can expand it to various allies, between that it does gain the capacity to sterilize and heal her and her ally’s wounds. Cleansing Wind - A special spell that allows her to cleanse people from any poison that has air as a vector, also it does can directly inject air in one person's lungs, allowing any ally to have more time to heal or to have Zephyr used too. Other Spells Fling - She can cause the air around her to burst, propelling her forwards, she can cast this on her whole body or individual parts. Float - She can defy the resistance of air, allowing her to float or even land and walk in walls, but often she will use this together with Fling to gain speed to go from place and place.
- Magical Passive Abilities:
Bladed Arms - Sleight of hand, dexterity and mastery in bladed melee weapons like katanas, claymores, rapiers, weapons that have the characteristics of a blade, she can also use her own powers with her weapons, becoming possibly a deadly opponent in the battlefield, this ability makes her capable to wield those weapons as she was already a trained soldier.
All seeing Eye - She has 360 degrees of vision and the ability to zoom in on locations, can be combined with her wind abilities and spells, increasing her capacity to detect enemies from afar.
History: Anne was born in Florida; her father was a soldier where her mother was a baker. Her parents had fallen in love after some strange party involving some wizards that were using their powers to have the fame of creating the 'best parties ever'. Those two fell in love like two poor teenagers in school, often getting in various fights, but where the previous example got its solution fairly well, those two did ended up with a disappeared mother, as her father needed to go to the work, her grandmother decided to take her position of 'mother'.
However, even with that she would go and search her biological mother, where the young blonde would end up wandering on a forest, where she got lost, a pretty silvery wolf did found her crying and took her back home, what made her love dogs. When she began going to the school, she didn't have too many problems except fights with boys and sometimes with girls thanks to her short temper, but those were not too many and in the end weren't a big deal. Eventually, when she did enter on puberty, she gained many friends and is normal except she is not except for the fact she has the Tornado Flute what created her inner soul realm. Cloud Mansion. Soon after gaining her powers as an Elemental Lieutenant, she has to fight her first Dreamwalker; a creature that took the form of a big cat said creature took various actions that made her see cats as the Evil on Earth. She does not go around saving people, ironically Anne does know about the Lieutenant of Light and she does see him as a fool, as there are heroes saving people already, she is not exactly selfless, what is common from teenagers and their own immaturity. Other Noteworthy Facts:
- She can be a great singer, probably an effect of her own powers modulating her breath coming from the lungs. As she is an excellent flutist. - Her burps can be dangerous. - Two Rapiers that are her main weapons, she can conduct wind through the blades, piercing through walls, steel, plastic and stone, they are hard and resistant, without powers conducted on then they serve as excellent weapons, also they can store wind inside themselves, being capable, if fully charged, to create a 'controllable tornado' that has its origin into the rapiers. - Rapiers:
Universe Specific Information: "Ten Spirits, Ten Humans, None shouldn't ascend, never let the Chamber of Heaven open upon the Existence, nothing that is flesh should regain its spiritual form, because what is divine may only wander into a land untainted by original sin."
Storyline Specific Information:
"She wanted a normal life, even with the Flute, but it seems like her grandma had a far more interesting past that she did expect..."
RP Sample:
"Ugh..." The fair-haired lass looks to her own computer. "Right close of my next headshot, ugh, I was so close of the first place..." She glares at the deactivated desktop over her table. Letting out a sigh she walks out of her bedroom, since she was alone Miverna would be simply over her shoulder, a small floating turtle.
'For a second I thought you would simply break the desktop with a punch.'
'No, it is too expensive to break.'
'Always hot-tempered...'
'Hey! Blame my grandmother and mother, that comes from them!'
'Don't remind me of your grandmother, I am not sure on how her husband managed to bear her' She stops for a second, shooting a dark eye to the turtle.
"What are you insinuating?" Minerva quickly shifts his head.
"Nothing."
"I really hope so.."
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|  | | Sailor Uranus Outer Senshi Admin
Roleplay Director
 
Title : Oh, you mean you DON'T have an Elephabulous? Shame. Posts : 13368 Join date : 2011-09-15 Age : 35 Location : NE Texas
| | Subject: Re: [Multiverse] [Advanced] Anne Herbert, Lieutenant of the Skies 24th November 2018, 5:16 pm | |
| Hello! I apologize for the slight wait for the Thanksgiving Holiday, but as this is not marked [WIP] anywhere, let's move forward with this Advanced Profile review! Rather than asking for fixes piecemeal, I will indicate in this first message everything that needs to be amended before this profile can be approved as a Multiverse Advanced Profile; I will be using this Multiverse Character Submission Form (hereby referred to as "Multiverse Guidelines") and the general Character Profile Applications and Guidelines (hereby referred to as "General Guidelines") as the rubric for this process. Please address the notes of concern within your original profile post without use of special fonts or colors (they are unnecessary, I will be reading through everything again) and reply to this thread with a note requesting a second look when you are done!
- Title of Application - Description
- Multiverse Guidelines wrote:
- In the Description section, state the World/Universe the roleplay happens in.
In addition, I had to remove the coloring of the profile title - as stated in the general application and guideline, please do not change the color of your thread title unless changing it off of the approved color back to [None] to show that it needs reapproval.
- General Guidelines wrote:
- To show you need reapproval, please edit your original post with your changes in another color (might I suggest red?) and change your topic title color from the "approved" color back to the "None (use implicit)". Then make a new post in your character thread saying there are new changes to be approved. This'll help reviewers see it better! Once through re-approved, please remember to go back and remove any font colors inserted, just to clean everything up!
- Appearance - Picture credit
Within the spoiler you use for the character image, please state and/or link the source material for the artwork; this is not officially written as a profile guideline as usually creators use images of characters that are the characters they are portraying or use a dollmaker to create their own otaku, but as the character you are writing for is the not the character in the picture, please source the art!
- Personality - Formatting
Please clean up the paragraphs by creating an extra space between where one paragraph ends and the next begins; it makes for easier reading.
- Personality - Coherency
Please clean up the following quoted sentences for clarity:
- Quote :
- She is a living contradiction for some standards since she is girly in the sense of liking pink colors, flowers, babies, crying over a romantic movie and being crazy about clothes, shoes, makeups, pop boy bands and has a hidden love for Football, Soccer, UFC, Monster Truck, War Games like Call of Duty. Arguably preferring to use modding to make her characters girls with pinky and floral motifs.
Please reformat the following paragraphs to gather like thoughts into their own paragraphs; it would make for a stronger read:
- Quote :
- Why she sometimes ends up in the principal's room, as she ends up going straight to punch when someone annoys or tries to be 'funny'. Her mother did disappear; her father could not be with her all the time because of his work, where her grandmother did take care of her as her surrogate mother.
She does not take her mother's disappearance very well, being extremely resentful over that. Overall, she does not try to think too hard about that, as she would only be angrier and angrier and would probably make a hole on a wall effortlessly with or a kick or a punch since she would pour magic in her feet or hands. Air pressure allows her to looks stronger than she is really. Eliza is not a girl to hit the gym, preferring to do a diet instead. She got her artifact at her 6 years old, after accidentally finding it on a toy's store. Even with her supposed mission, she does not go around searching Dreamwalkers because...
She doesn't feel like it, her mascot doesn't find them, being as much as successful as Birdie, so she felt like it 'would be an effort in futility' but she does kill the Dreamwalkers when they do appear, as she was done back in the past when one did attack her home. Additionally, several of the personality section sentences would actually be more at home in the "Other Noteworthy Facts" sections as they are just about likes and dislikes, and while those are acceptable as parts of a person's personality, this section can be pared down to give more of an insight into her behavior and thoughts if many of these are moved to the other section.
- Unique Abilities / Skills: Run-on/spliced sentences
Please rework the following to reduce run-on or spliced sentences by separating out information into multiple sentences about the topics:
- Cloud Mansion wrote:
- That, if she was really interested, it is also where her mascot’s true form stays most of the time, he is a small angel called 'Minerva', there are two shards into the altar by now instead of one, that unlocks more spells and increased her powers.
- History - Clarification
The following is unclear, please rephrase:
- History wrote:
- Those two fell in love like two poor teenagers in school, often getting in various fights, but where the previous example got its solution fairly well, those two did ended up with a disappeared mother, as her father needed to go to the work, her grandmother decided to take her position of 'mother'.
"poor" as in to be pitied, or "poor" as in unwealthy? "fights" like verbal or physical, with each other or other people? What "previous example"? Please fix "did ended up". Was the "disappeared mother" Anne's mother, or one of her parent's mothers? Same for father? Did the mother disappear like ran out on them, or magically disappear? "as her father needed [...]" hints that the mother left because the father went to work? Is that what was intended? If not, please rephrase. The work that he went to - as he's a soldier, did you mean he was dispatched? Or did he quit the military and is now working elsewhere?
As mentioned earlier in this review, please add an additional space between paragraphs for ease of reading.
Please fix the run-on sentence:
- History wrote:
- However, even with that she would go and search her biological mother, where the young blonde would end up wandering on a forest, where she got lost, a pretty silvery wolf did found her crying and took her back home, what made her love dogs.
Please fix redundancy and use a colon:
- History wrote:
- Eventually, when she did enter on puberty, she gained many friends and is normal except she is not except for the fact she has the Tornado Flute what created her inner soul realm. Cloud Mansion.
Please add an additional space between the History and Other Noteworthy Facts sections to separate them.
- Other Noteworthy Facts:
- Quote :
- - Her burps can be dangerous.
Usually I'd take that as just an attempt at humor, but with wind powers in the mix I'd like you to clarify why they're dangerous.
- Universe Specific Information: Please Rewrite
Please read the following:
- Multiverse Guidelines wrote:
- Required! Please give us a few guidelines about the universe your character has been made for - just a few bullet points with a sentence or two will do; we just need to know a little more about the world!
Your selection -
- Universe Specific Information wrote:
- "Ten Spirits, Ten Humans, None shouldn't ascend, never let the Chamber of Heaven open upon the Existence, nothing that is flesh should regain its spiritual form, because what is divine may only wander into a land untainted by original sin."
- lacks the spirit of what this required section asks for. What you have works as a tagline but does not adequately explain the universe, it's rules, its world building, etc. Please rewrite.
- Storyline Specific Information: Please Rewrite
- Multiverse Guidelines wrote:
- Required. This section is for you to detail information about your character that is specific to a certain storyline(s). Fill out this section with each separate storyline, so you don't have to send multiple character profile applications for the same character. For the initial submission, state the storyline you are creating this profile to join.
Your selection -
- Storyline Specific Information wrote:
- "She wanted a normal life, even with the Flute, but it seems like her grandma had a far more interesting past that she did expect..."
Does not meet the requirements. Please rewrite.
- RP Sample: Does not meet requirements. Please elaborate or rewrite.
- Multiverse Guidelines wrote:
- The RP Sample should involve the character you are applying for and the sample must be at least 250 words.
Your RP Sample is more of a script than an actual sample of roleplaying. As this is for an Advanced profile, I expect to see paragraph formatting with some sort of POV - typically third person limited - that has insight into the character: their actions, thoughts, emotions and descriptions. Other characters are allowed to be used within the RP Sample as NPC's to move the sample along, but the sample should not depend on a second character to meet the word requirement as the sample only requires 250 words.
Additionally, you do not need to include different font colors for characters; standard formatting is fine.
Once again, rather than just a starting point, above is everything I need to see addressed to accept this Advanced Multiverse profile application; no new points will be brought up unless within an addition you put forth. Whenever you have finished tweaking your original to meet the requirements (either one or all of them)(again, no weird font colors necessary, I'll catch the changes on my own!), please reply to this thread with the numbers of the above points you addressed and I will review it again and keep you updated on what from the above still needs addressing! ![[Multiverse] [Advanced] Anne Herbert, Lieutenant of the Skies 4039879955](/users/2914/10/33/88/smiles/4039879955.png) |
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