i hope i set this up right



Name: Zoisite
Gender: Male

Birthday: October 31
Age: 21 (i choose this because the sailors are older too.
Birthplace: earth

Physical Description (include clothing generally worn):

Zoisite is the shortest of the 4 generals he stand at 5'7. Zoisite is the slender too. He has Bright green eye and is effeminate looking; because of this he is often mistaking for a woman. Normally he has long strawberry dirty blond hair pulled into a pony tale, unless he has changed it

Zoisite has to wear a dark gray blazer like top with green trimming on it. He add the green because the gray because he thought it looked boring. He also has dark gray pants which tuck into black boots with heals; making him look taller. When going out in public and not wanting to be seen by the sailor soldiers he will wear normal clothing. His favorite thing is a pair of jeans and a Green shirt that Kunzite gave to him.

Personality:

Zoisite likes to change his hair alot. He often he dies it or cuts it.
He can use his powers to make his hair go back to it's normal color and length. He gets along with the other generals very well. He loves kunzite but also loves sailor Neptune. He is torn on who he wants; but he thinks Neptune likes woman so he set his heart on Kunzite.

Zoisite knows he been brained washed but he can't let beryl know this. He thinks the dark kingdom is a depressing place so he wants out. However still dose he job because he doesn't want to be killed off. He loves cats and would like on as a pet but beryl doesn't allow pets



Any Unique Abilities/Skills:

Zoisite has many Unique powers. Alot of this attacks are ice based he can create ice crystal in hands and use them the fight with. He also can make ice crystals in mid air for a sneaky attack. Also he can send shards of ice crystals fly at his target.

While he has alot of ice based attacks he has other attacks too. Such rose petals which are sharp yet pretty. can use Fire but he doesn't use it often. To keep people away from him he can attack with energy; this attack was used to send someone fly back.
He can also change his hair back to it's normal state; Which come in handy since he like to change his hair alot
Like all of the generals he can teleport his teleporting signature is rose petals. He also can levate he often willl be leavating in mid air while sitting

History:

Zoisite was born on October 31st during the Silver Millennium. Compared to others, he had a normal childhood.. When entering High school he would often get teased for looking effeminate and having long hair. He often got into fights at school. One day when he was cornered by some boys, and started to fight him, during the fight a blast of energy came from his hands sending the kids back. Soon word had gotten out and 15 year old Zoisite was brought to the golden kingdom. When the other 3 generals also know as heavenly kings train zoisite on how to use his powers. Zoisite became the fourth general of prince Endymion.

Zoisite fell in love with Kunzite, but one a visit to the moon kingdom he saw princess Michiru and has a crush on her since then. A few days after Zoisite birthday beryl brained washed the people of earth and generals aw well. The brain washed people became her top fighters.. When queen Serenity sealed them away they were frozen in time until then seal broke and queen beryl awoken them and started her plan. It seems the brain washing has worn off of Zoisite and now he wants out.


RP Sample:

Zoisite look in the mirror and took a pair of scissor and cut his hair short, then book a box of hair die and died it black. He soon got scold by Kunzite. He was told to stop because he changed his hair too much and people thought it was crazy. "I'm not Crazy" he shouted and ran to his room. Where he looked at catalogs of cats. he wanted a pet cat so bad. They were just too. He then used his powers to make his hair normal again.

He also wonder who he should be with.. Kunzite or Sailor Neptune. He loved them both a lot.
Why can't I decided who I love. later he goes to do a job for the Dark Kingdom. He tries to talk with the sailor solider but they do no listen

http://www.thegalaxycauldronforums.com/t1617-canon-submission-form

Use this form here please! ^.^

okay, i shall edit

I am going to be LOA till Sunday night/ Monday. I look forward to reviewing this once I return (if it is complete :3 )

it should be done soon. just a few more things. to add. i think i'll make up a birthday for him.

sailor swifty wrote:

it should be done soon. just a few more things. to add. i think i'll make up a birthday for him.

Ok. Just change the sub title for the topic to ready for review when it is finished so I know to review it

okay!

I haven't looked at this since I thought it was incomplete. You need a lot more to your profile. Things should be a minimum of two paragraphs and you are also missing a history section. Here is an example of a completed profile http://www.thegalaxycauldronforums.com/t2322-senshi-sailor-saturn-hotaru-tomoe

hahaha i did not realize i missed the history section XD

Please, add more to the physical description. Make it more meaty and paragraph like ^_^

when I'm done fixing it i'll but the ready for review again

Can you perhaps go through your profile and check for correct grammar, capitalization, spelling etc. before I review?

Also, to make is easier for the reviewer, me, can you please fix the physical description when you can?

I'll fix it up now

Before I do an overall review, I still see some things that need fixing grammar/spelling wise.

Quote :

Personality:

his hair changes alot. sometimes he dies it or cuts it.
uses his powers to make his hair go back to it's normal color and length.
he still love kunzite but also loves sailor Neptune. he is torn on who he wants. he also

knows he been brained washed and wants out, since the dark kingdom is such a depressing place.
he still dose he job because he doesn't want to be killed off. he also get along well with the other 3 generals
he loves cats and would like on as a pet.

Please review this section.

Quote :

Any Unique Abilities/Skills:

crate ice crystal in hands.
crate ice crystals in mid air and have to attack someone.
crate shards of ice crystals.
attacks with rose pealts. telports with them too
can use Fire
attack with energy? (this attack was used to send someone fly back and also he attacked moon in the epasdioe where the boy who crushed on ami was the target.)
he can also change his hiar back to it's normal state.

I think you mean to use "create". Also, please put these into sentences that flow together and shy away from lists.

Quote :

RP Sample:

Zoisite look in the mirror and took a pair of scissor and cut his hair short, then book a box of hair die and died it black. he soon got scold by Kunzite. he was told to stop because he changed his hair too much and people thought it was crazy. "I'm not Crazy" he shouted and ran to his room. where he looked at catalogs of cats. he wanted a pet cat so bad. they were just too. he then used his powers to make his hair normal again.

he also wonder who he should be with.. Kunzite or Sailor Neptune. he loved them both.. A lot.
why can't I decided who I love. later he goes to do a job for the Dark Kingdom. he tries to talk with the sailor solider but they do no listen

Please go through this and capitalize your sentences.

Once these changes are made I will review the character entirely then get back to you on what changes need to be made.

If you need help with anything, please don't be shy to PM me and I will be more than willing to help you.

okay, i'll get to it later.

Question:

Is this your own edited Version of Zoisite? Because I do not recall him liking Michiru?

Bump

Sailor Saturn wrote:

Question:

Is this your own edited Version of Zoisite? Because I do not recall him liking Michiru?

yea it's for the altered rp. where the character have to be different. i got that idea from this fan art i Found. xD

OK.

Can you note on your title sub header the exact name of the RP this character is for?

I am going to help you split these sentences up a bit Just replace them with what I write here.

Quote :

Zoisite was born 31, he had a normal childhood. As normal as someone could have growing up on earth during the Silver Millenium.

Zoisite was born on October 31st during the Silver Millennium. Compared to others, he had a normal childhood.

Quote :

A few days after Zoisite birthday beryl brained washed the people of earth and brained washed the generals too and made them be her top fighters.

A few days after Zoisite birthday beryl brained washed the people of earth and generals aw well. The brain washed people became her top fighters.


Please go through your RP sample and fix capitalization's please

Once these changes are done, I can approve you

it should be all fixed now. once it is approved i need a place in the rp. since there is a post order.

Don't worry, you'll get a spot in the posting order. ^^

Approved.

Please post in the OOC board for this story and let them know that you will be adding this character to the story

Sailor Saturn wrote:

Approved.

Please post in the OOC board for this story and let them know that you will be adding this character to the story

okay!

Sailor Venus wrote:

Don't worry, you'll get a spot in the posting order. ^^

okay