The sight of the once bright kingdom of Silver Millennium falling into ruins was the worst thing Neptune had ever witnessed in her life. Worse still, it was a sight she had to witness alone. The one thing that had kept her going all these years was the light of their princess, the knowledge that the queen and the royal family were safe and whole and happy. She knew what she was supposed to do should an attacker come into her territory. She knew what the protocol was if, by some miracle, they managed to make it past her and into Uranus’. She knew all the right things to do in the event of an attack, except for this one. Because this was one threat she had never foreseen. That even her mirror had failed in predicting.

And there was no protocol for this. For the unthinkable situation in which the Moon Kingdom could be under attack while she was still standing. And after standing there, just watching it burn for a few minutes, she could stand it no longer. Maybe she was disobeying her queen—something she never thought she would do—but she wanted to believe deep in her heart that Queen Serenity didn’t want her to just sit there and watch them burn. To do nothing. She was supposed to protect the kingdom. Maybe not from these threats, but they were a threat just the same, and they had proven too much for the princess’ guardians and the castle guards to handle. If there was no more kingdom to protect… if the princess and queen no longer existed, what was the point of her duty anymore?

Uranus would still be there, was the thought that she used to console herself. Maybe she’d leave her post undefended, but Uranus was loyal and steadfast—stronger than her. She would still be guarding her post in the event of an attack from the outer layer of the solar system. She would have no warning of it, yes, but surely she could handle it. Neptune had seen her in battle before, she was strong…

These were the thoughts she used to comfort herself as she abandoned Triton Castle and flew towards the moon. Even if she knew she was condemning her partner to death. Even if she knew it was the most irresponsible thing she had ever done. Uranus will be okay, was the mantra that she kept repeating to herself. Even if she’d be disappointed in her.

Neptune never imagined the first time she would step foot on the moon would be like this. She had dreamed of this moment she knew would never happen more times than she cared to admit. To be surrounded by all that light and beauty, to be so close to the princess and the queen that she so admired. To be one of them. She had always expected to feel joy and wonder and awe, but now all she saw was devastation and fire and death. Her heart ached painfully as she tried to decide where to go.

She found the bright light of the princess pulling her out of the city, and she turned to look towards the castle, where the queen presumably still was. But Neptune was too much of a coward to face her and see the disappointment in her eyes if it turned out she’d made the wrong choice. Yes, the princess had her guardians, while the queen was alone, but…

She didn’t think twice about it. She just followed the trail of light that had so long kept her tethered to sanity when the loneliness proved to be too much.

She had found the princess with all of her senshi intact—which was a surprise—but not as surprising as the presence of Pluto. This was alarming, because who was protecting the Gate of Time? Or had it fallen, too? And if it did, what did it mean for the timeline? Had she been called here, or had she done what Neptune did as well and disobeyed her orders? Having never spoken to her before and afraid she’d be called out on her own reasons for being there, she had not approached the guardian of time and instead lingered just slightly away from the group as she observed them.

The princess was what naturally drew her in first, and for a moment Neptune was struck by all the emotions she felt upon laying eyes on her for the first time up close. She looked so… sad. So broken. Not at all like the happy and carefree princess she had often seen in her mirror. She was with someone Neptune didn’t recognize, but as Uranus arrived shortly after, her attention was completely redirected.

The moment she saw that flash of unmistakable blonde hair and blue eyes, Neptune’s eyes widened and she instinctively stepped back. The urge to hide consumed her, irrational as it was given the fact that Uranus had done the very same thing she had. But that meant… That meant the outer sectors were completely defenseless now. Although, did it really matter? The kingdom had already fallen. Perhaps their place was here after all.

Neptune avoided Uranus’ eyes, though she couldn’t help but look at her every chance she got. Those eyes were even fiercer up close. Power—and obvious anger—was radiating off of her in waves. Guilt and shame mixed with awe and admiration in her gut. She had often watched over the senshi of the skies, the partner that she had never met in person and only ever spoken to in times of crisis, and even that only in short bursts of messages from her castle to Uranus’, the only guardian beside Pluto who understood her loneliness and seclusion better than anyone.

And her closely guarded secret of how sometimes, she would fall asleep to the sight of Uranus’ confident smile, her smirk when she successfully cut down an enemy in battle, and that one moment she impulsively recorded in her castle monitor when Uranus reported an attacker had been neutralized, and had added, “Good night, Neptune,” in a rare moment of casual camaraderie. Neptune had replayed that recording every night since to send her to sleep, and her dreams had been filled with open blue skies and the wind and an impossible picture of two intertwined hands, marching into battle together. And one particular morning, she had woken up expecting to find a second body in her bed, and had been disappointed to find none.

She had deleted the recording afterwards.

Yet today as she looked upon Uranus’ face with her own eyes for the first time, that moment was still as fresh in her mind as if it had been made only yesterday.

With difficulty, she redirected her attention back to the discussion of strategy that had been happening.

Venus wanted to go back to the castle and leave the princess unguarded. This had shocked her, because she thought guarding the princess was the very job of these soldiers. Had she chosen the right thing after all by coming here, if these senshi were leaving? She didn’t understand; did they not understand what the meaning of duty was? They’d almost lost their princess. And now they wanted to risk it again?

Thankfully some of them seemed to disagree, and from the discussion Neptune learned that they had one person from Earth with them. The one with the princess. Neptune narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. What was his motives of being here when his people had apparently attacked the moon? And so close to the princess, too… Thinking about it made her very uncomfortable.

But if they needed power… she had that. She and Uranus did. Neptune kept quiet as they weighed the options of who they should send, even if her heart yearned to remain with Uranus and the princess. In the end, she was chosen to go with Jupiter and Mercury, and she swallowed her disappointment.

Sailor Mars’ words to her were encouraging, but right now Neptune still felt guilt and shame for abandoning her post. Was it truly brave what she’d done? No. She was a coward. She didn’t know what Uranus’ reason for leaving was, but surely it was better than hers.