Name: Ai kuchiki //Sailor Nebula
Gender: Female

Birthday: June Twenty-Eight
Age: 14
Birthplace: The Suns nebula (where the sun was born)

Physical Description :

Sailor Nebula has Long Dark black hair with two star hair pieces in it. Nebula has pretty sliver eyes, and has cherry red lipstick on.she is 5 ft tall and has a slim body,and she a bit tanned.she also has small cuts and bruises on her arms and legs.

Sailor Nebula has two forums.In her first forum her signatures color are black and yellow.Her collar,choker,and skirt are all black.Leaving her top pure white.Both of her bows are yellow,the top bow has a black star on the middle of it.her tiara is gold and it was a yellow star on it.she has black tie-up heels on.

Super Sailor Nebula Signature colors yellow and pink. Her senshi collar is yellow with two black lines on each side.her ribbon is pink and curled at the tips.Her broach is gold with a circle of stars around the edge of it.Her tiara is gold and in the middle of it it has a black star,her choker has the same design.Her white gloves has no sleeve and around it its black.She senshi skirt is Yellow,it has creases in it.her back ribbon is the same as the top one, but the bottom one is past knee length.her skirt is shorter than knee length and has a chain of planets around it.She are black open toed heels.

Personality: .

Sailor Nebula is an arrogant adventurous person that don't give up too easy. Ever since she was six she would do dangerous stunts like jumping out of windows or walking in fire. Her mother yelled at her for not being a proper lady. But Ai would do something else more worst. But after her mothers death she stopped ,and starting trying to be lady.Ai is a some-what sneaky,she also can be bossy from time to time.Her mood changes easily.

In school and in serious situations she takes her time to think then charge right in.often she sneaks into trouble and her best friend Orihime have to come and help her out.


Any Unique Abilities/Skills:

She can read and erase people memories.

History:

Ai Kuchiki was born into a family of wealth and power in Tokyo, japan. Her father was a noblemen and her mother a famous poet.When she was little she was mostly home alone with one of her friends coming over to visit. Three years later her mother died from a heart attack due stress. After the death Ai and her father began to socialize more at home.

After Sailor moon took the thrown as queen of the earth, That when Ai found her transformation necklace and realized she was a senshi . She was two transformations,One was just like a normal senshi and the other was Super Sailor Nebula.Ai couldn't learn how to control her powers her self until her cloaked Guardian Kyo came and taught her what she needed to learn.Kyo was from the sun kingdom.he was only 16 years old, only two years older from Ai. Ai was told she has a older sister names Sailor Black hole, she was said to be guarding the remains of the sun kingdom.

She was born Princess of the sun nebula, But died at birth, So she was reincarnated on earth with her senshi powers.The sun`s nebula was a beautiful kingdom once. many people lived there because of it`s view. It was always day, night never existed. many years later a group of crooks launched a surprised attack after the king had banned trade with the planets because of war with earth. At the end, The kingdom was burned to the ground, Along with the people. There was no sign of life, There was only ruins left. Only a hundred people escaped alive to tell the tale.


Senshi Name:Sailor Nebula

Senshi Fuku:
Sailor Nebula has two forums. In her first forum her signatures color are black and yellow.Her collar,choker,and skirt are all black. Leaving her top pure white.Both of her bows are yellow,the top bow has a black star on the middle of it. The bottom bow is curled at the tips. her tiara is gold and it was a yellow star on it. she has black tie-up heels on. she also has short white gloves.

Henshin/Transformation:
"Nebula Star Power,Make Up"
"Super Nebula Crystal,Make Up"
Powers:
Her powers comes from the star nebula and the sun.She knows three attacks.

hi hoshi-An attack where a huricanie of stars comes and blows every thing away and the things that are left get's caught on fire,but she can only use it a few times.

Dark energy void-Energy void suck up all the negitve and positive energy in the air and throws it at the target.

Cosmos ryuseiu- She can raise anyone attacks at random by 30-50%

Weapons or Magical Items:
She has a special Item called a wish feather that can heal anyone,but It can only work at night.
Also a transformation stick

Guardian: Kyo he a human that is similar to a senshi,he has a planet crystal but it`s unstable.he has dark Brown shoulder length hair and wears a black cloak and goes anywhere that Ai goes. he also has the power to stop time for a few seconds.

RP Sample:

Sailor Nebula and Kyo looked to each other and nodded. "Ok lets go for it."Nebula said smirking. She ran into the crystal palace where the enemy was located at , The enemy was destroying the whole palace. Smoke was coming out of the windows and doors. The gateway was caved in,and there was no other door ."Ai were out of luck,there no other door around here."Kyo said."dang it."Nebula looked around for a second then spoke."I guess that means Ill have to make a new entrance then, Dark energy void."She collected all the energy in the air and aimed it at the front wall.Instantly the wall shatter into small pieces." They both ran into the Control room. There was a Man sitting in the chair with countless creatures in the room."Welcome I see you broke in too. "The man said.Nebula made her hand into a fist."I did not break in im here to stop you,anyway who are you is the question."she said strong.The man snapped his fingers and both Ai and Kyo was paralyzed."who is am I,well im the new king of the world."he said grinning.Sailor Nebula eyes widen as she stood paralyzed.

"what had you done to everyone in the palace, leave now! " She yelled out.she manages to break free of the paralysis,but it had took a toll on her strength.

"They are all dead except for three other peole in the kingdom hiding,but back to your first question.I am Prince Quartz from the demotic spiral galaxy, that's enough about me let`s have a little battle before I become The new king of the earth.I need all the planets crystals and the lives of the senshi`s.So far I have all if them but yours, we can have less blood shed if you just hand over your life now.Ai was furious about what Quartz had said, and so was Kyo.Her defenses rose. Nebula got up and ran towards Quartz and punched him dead on in the face. "your not getting nothing."nebula said.It probably be best if I used my wish feather now since its still night.She thought to her self.She raised her hand in the air while holding the feather.Just as she was about to use her wish feather,Quartz picked nebula up and threw her against the wall.

"Do you really think that that was going to help you little girl, I have fifty times the power as you.Quartz said while laughing."Now get up and fight me girl.he yelled.Kyo finally spoke."Ai Im going to stop time long enough so you can attack!"Nebula stared chuckle."no kyo this is my fight not yours, and Quartz show me what you got.She got up and she transformed into Super Sailor Nebula, and that's when the real battle began.


Sailor Nebula

Okay~. It's wonderful that you're applying for an OC here, Bunbun! However, we need to iron out some things.

My first thing to point out is simple, really. Unless you're keeping the criteria in your profile as a reminder, feel free to remove it to make the character file flow better.

Another thing that caught my attention was that you said she was seven feet tall. That's quite unusual, even for men. Do you want to go into more detail about the sun nebulae? About what it's like there? I did notice that there are some basic grammar mistakes in your application as well, but those are easily fixed.

I would like to see a longer RP sample (not necessary, but it would be nice), but since this is a WIP, I suppose that it's coming. I would give you a longer post for this character, but I'm almost out of time for the night. I will get back to you tomorrow, though.

Have fun making this character! :3

I was using the criteria as a reminder just in case I forgot something.

Also I just edited a few things in the profile, but it`s still not ready yet for reviewing.

I kinda want to make a fanfic out of the role-play sample XD

Okay. It's still not a bad start at all, Bunbun. Just leave a note when you're ready for review, and I'll get to it as soon as I'm available. *huggles* ^^

Done

All right, as I'm off work for at least a week due to unfortunate circumstance, I will be giving a comprehensive review tomorrow; seeing as I am almost out of time today. I will say that you aren't off to a bad start, though.

EDIT (June 05): Providing tomorrow will not be spend in like ways, I will try to deliver your review then. Thank you for your patience, Bunbun.

Bump!

O.o

I never reviewed this? Bunbun, you should've bumped this when I didn't get that done. Now I feel bad. T_T


The review itself -
Concept wise, you've got a good thing going. But the grammar and overall description detracts from the application, but it'll be easy enough for you to fix up. Things that have most caught my eye are either randomly capitalized words, or words that should be capitalized and aren't (such as the beginning of some sentences). Also; sometimes after commas or a sentence ends, you don't put an additional space.

Aside from structural issues, though, I want to move onto the positives. ^^

You're off to a very good start regarding the personality - she seems like a strong individual, and not just someone on the paper (screen, but whatever, XD). I like that she's flawed, though - and not many people want to state that point blank in the first paragraph of their personality section. So props to you on that.

Moving onto her skills, though, I'd like a bit more of an explanation on reading and erasing memories. How does it affect her? Does she take on the memories that she steals, does it give her headaches, does it make her physically weak to do so? This power has to have an Achilles's Heel in it somewhere, otherwise it would be too strong plot-wise.

History wise - Notable typos are "thrown", which implies that Usagi was hurled onto the throne, XD. Again, notable lack of capitalization.

Attacks - Names are proper, and thus should be capitalized.

Wish Feather - It also needs to be capitalized. But what's it like? What does it look like? Why can she only use it at night? What is the extent of it's capabilities?

RP Sample - Littered with basic grammar issues, but as I said earlier, they're easily cleaned up.



When you're done fixing the grammar issues of the profile, and embellish it with a bit more information, bump this for me, please. ^^