This is a very old fic of mine but I just re-formatted it on ff dot net and I thought I might share it here. Some references are pretty dated. It's meant to be pure humor - Minako and Usagi hijinks.
(ps. This was semi-inspired by an episode of - wait for it -
Full House. LOL OMG DATED.)
I don't know why the spacing is all weird. Sorry.
TwinsChapter One: 'Finding Love! Minako's Brillant Plan!' or "Usagi: You
Want Me to WHAT?" I leaned my elbows down on the Formica of the counter, my vision trained
and my mind completely focused. I could hear my heart beat in my chest but as
my sense locked on target I completely forgot everything else around me, my
mission became clear to me in that one, single moment of clarity every warrior
faces before the final showdown.The figure was at 3 o'clock and moving with confidence and grace out of
the Crown Arcade. Tall. Blue eyes. My future
husband. I just knew it.Standing up, I readied myself.
This is it.Minako Aino. Femme fatal.I reached out and wrapped my fingers around the door handle.Stumbling a little, the young student jumped as he felt his hand cover
someone else's.
"Oh, excuse me!" he murmured politely. The girl who looked up at
him just smiled in a way that made him half want to ask her number, half want
to cut and run.
"No problem. It was my fault." She said, grinning with what should
have been way too many blinding white teeth.
He smiled back, again having a quick debate with himself whether he ought to
leave. She was cute and all, but-
"My name is Aino Minako." Apparently he was fond of puns.
And a conversation ensued. His first name was Kazuaki, which he immediately
gave her permission to use. Sitting across from him in a booth at the diner
(they both "suddenly" had a craving for an impromptu cup of coffee),
Minako couldn't help feeling elated. Finally! Her time had come, true love was
within her grasp.
"Are you ready to go, bro?" a voice by her elbow asked. A very
familiar voice.
Startled, Minako looked up into Kazuaki's blue eyes. But...wasn't he just...
Eyes the size of saucers, Minako whipped her head back and forth between the
identical faces. "Whaa?"
Kazuaki gave a little, sheepish half-smile. "Oh yeah. This is Kaworu.
My little brother."
Twisting his mouth a little, Kaworu offered Minako, "We are
twins."
Sweatdrop. "Of course," she murmured, "I knew that."
"I must apologize about our names," the apparently younger boy
continued, "Our parents are so mundanely cutesy."
'Beautiful Child of Love' scowled a little.
"Well," sheepishness was replaced by embarrassment and regret as
Kazuaki pushed his chair back to stand up, "we should really be going. It
was nice meeting you Aino Minako-san."
"Let's meet again, Kazuaki-san," she replied politely, inclining
her head listlessly. She knew a rejection when she heard one.
Kaworu rolled his eyes at his brother and headed toward the door, waiting
impatiently for Kazuaki.
The guy in question just shrugged helplessly at Minako's downcast face.
"I'd really like to see you again, Minako-san, but I won't go out unless
my brother can, too."
Smiling at his bluntness, Minako confidently tossed glittering strands of
blonde behind her shoulder. "Oh, don't worry, I have lots of
friends..."
"We only date twins. Sorry." Kazuaki said firmly, turning to meet
his brother.
DARN IT! Frustration and disappointment built up as Minako slid back down
into her seat. Yet...
No! This was too close for her to blow this chance! Kazuaki was so... cute...
the way his brown hair fell into his face, the way his eyes lit up when he
talked about himself, and, most importantly, the way... he was there.
'Well, are you the Ai no senshi or not?' Minako asked herself, 'Don't give
up on true love, it only comes to those who believe!'
Just as the boys were nearly out the door, the Senshi of Love, Aphrodite
herself, the beauty Aino Minako stood up and held out a perfectly shaped,
manicured hand.
"Wait!"
____________________________________
"YOU TOLD HIM WHAT?" a chorus of female voices shouted at the
defenseless blonde.
Minako shrugged a little. "I told him I had... a twin sister?" She
offered a nervous smile.
The dark-haired shrine miko slapped herself on the forehead. "Just when
I think you can't surprise us anymore, Minako..."
"What? Rei, I don't do stuff like this all the time! Only when my
future happiness is at stake!"
"Minako," Makoto added from her seat on the porch of Rei's
grandfather's shrine, "you only talked to the guy for about five minutes.
How do you know he's even worth the web of lies you'll have to weave?"
"Not to mention they are going to want to meet this 'twin' of yours
sooner or later, Minako-chan," Ami said wisely.
Minako moaned dramatically. "Actually, it's more like 'sooner'. We have
a date planed for next Saturday. Only, Kazuaki-kun's expecting me to bring a
date for Kaworu, and the only problem is she doesn't EXIST!"
Laughing, Rei shook her head. "You really got yourself into this one,
Minako-chan."
She sniffled. "Love is worth a fair war, Rei-chan."
Sweatdrops all around.
"Minako, I'm not exactly sure even what you mean, but..."
"The things I do for love!" she was still wailing dramatically,
the back of her hand pressed against her forehead, blue eyes becoming water
pools of misery dutiful heartbreak.
"Yeah. The things you do for love. Like that time you dated two men,
*our enemies* no less..." Makoto was getting into this whole situation.
For once, it wasn't her!
"...that time you told that guy you were a high school student but
forgot you were still wearing your uniform..."
"...that time you yelled at those little boys picking on Chibi Usa just to
attract a man, and it turned out that he was their father!"
Makoto sweatdropped. "Um...Rei? That last one was me."
"*Anyway*," Minako was quick to change the subject, "back to
my date. What can I do?"
"Cancel." Ami said, giving Minako a very adult, mature look,
"or tell him the truth and let him cancel. Those are your only choices at
this point."
Pout.
"Aw, c'mon Minako, you wouldn't want this guy anyway," Makoto said
helpfully.
Sulk.
"I mean, 'only dates twins'? That's just not normal. In fact, it
borders on psychotic." Rei tried to calm her down.
Wavering eyes.
Ami searched her mind, "Well... you could just use a friend and say you
are fraternal twins. You didn't say your non-existent sister was identical to
you."
Minako brightened. "Yeah! Hey, Kaworu's really cute, you guys, you'd
li-"
Mako-chan laughed. "No way. No one would believe we were related."
The tall, lanky girl grinned.
The dark-haired and eyed Rei shrugged to the fair-colored girl. "Ditto,
Mina-P. Not that I'd date one of the Bobsey Psycho brothers, anyway." She
added for good measure.
Ami just raised an eyebrow at Minako's look, saying 'What do you THINK I'm
going to say?' without even any words.
Minako felt herself sink even deeper into the darkness of hopelessness and
despair. Why do the horrible things always happen to the beautiful people?
"What am I going to *do* you guys? I can't cancel. All I need is
someone who could pass for-"
Yes, it was her entrance by every story cliché‚ there could be.
Stumbling onto the grounds, out of breath and dragging all the fresh air of
springtime with her, Tsukino Usagi brushed the blonde hair away from her
baby-blue eyes and flashed the group a blinding smile.
"-my sister." Minako finished, trailing off.
"I have a *really* good excuse..." Usagi started, oblivious to
pained looks on her friend's faces, "for being so late, you see..."
she faltered as Minako started walking toward her, mouth curved upwards and eyes
beginning to sparkle.
Usagi nervously backed away, but her feet weren't exactly used to pivotal,
reflexive moments and suddenly she was sitting on her butt on the ground, with
Minako nearly bursting with joy.
“Usagi-chan!" she squealed, "My best friend!"
'Uh-oh.'
Smiling shakily, Usagi climbed to her feet unsteadily. "Hi, Mina-P! How
are you?"
The poor girl apparently didn't notice Ami's twitch or Mako's desperate
attempt to write 'Save yourself' in the dirt with her foot. Rei went inside to
go bang her head against the wall a few times.
Minako thoughtfully sucked in her cheeks, placing a cool hand on Usagi's
face. "Hmm..." she tugged some curls down from where they were
twirled into pigtails.
'Yeah, it's definitely lighter, and finer than my hair,' Minako appraised,
'and she is much paler than I am. And her eyes aren't as deep blue.' She
sighed. 'We can't all be perfect, I suppose.'
But still... Usagi's eyes were nicely shaped, Minako supposed, and she had
the luminous 'moon princess' type quality that could compliment Minako's sunny
gold-centered complexion while still being similar enough to not draw any
suspicions.
In fact...
"Usagi-chan, you are almost as pretty as me!" Minako exclaimed in
surprise. She took Usagi's hand and dragged her into the temple.
A rare sweatdrop appeared between the smaller girl's eyebrows.
"Um...thanks?" she answered, still trying to think about what was
going on.
Not exactly being a perceptive mastermind, the perplexed girl had no choice
but to keep wondering until someone explained it to her, very slowly and using
small words.
No one had such a chance, and so that's how Usagi found herself inside,
suddenly standing before someone she used to love and trust and cherish as a
true friend, but was now very frightened of. Aino Minako suddenly became almost
evil looking when she held a hairbrush and a make-up kit.
"Wait... Minako... " holding up her hands in a surrender-like
motion, Usagi found herself looking around desperately for her friends.
Who seem to have disappeared.
Oh sure.
They dive in front of her to prevent the relatively mild sting of horrendous
death by youma, but when *Minako* had make-over mode attacks, they are
*nowhere* to be found.
'Where's Rei? This is *her* house for godsakes...'
"What is this all about?" Usagi asked, trying to distract Minako
from her suddenly, very egocentric craving to apparently make stuff look like
her.
Minako blinked. And paled. Obviously she forgot Usagi still had to *agree* to
this entire thing.
Biting her lip, Minako stood back a little and observed the situation. Usagi
was eager to help out any friend in need, especially for the sake of love.
However, due to rather obvious reasons, she also didn't like pretending to be
someone she wasn't, when she could help it. Then again, she was very
open-minded about meeting new people. On the other hand, there was that pesky
little morality of Usagi's that would really turn out to be a pain in the butt.
But she was Aino Minako! She could talk her way into anything! Taking a deep
breath, widening her eyes, and biting her lip sadly, she turned to Usagi.
"Do you believe I deserve love?" she asked.
This was going to be child's play.
____________________________________
"You want me to WHAT?"
Or not.
"Look, Usag-"
"Are you CRAZY?"
Placing a hand on Usagi's shoulder, Minako said, "Usagi, please! You
have no idea what this means to me!"
Usagi gave her a Look. "I am not pretending to be your sister,
Minako!"
Minako's eyebrows knitted together. Usagi was hardly *ever* so irrefutable,
why was she acting so out of character? And where did she learn that Look?
"Why not? Is there something wrong with me?" Tears formed along
the sides of the actress's eyes. "I always wanted a sister,
Usagi-chan," she whispered, "and when I met you... we were so alike
and got a long so well, for a while... I felt I'd found one." Minako gave
Usagi a shaky smile. Pressing her fist to her own heart, "Right
here."
Touched, Usagi reached out to her friend, "Oh Minako, it's n-Wait a
minute! You are just saying this so I'll date that guy for you!"
Darn.
"Not true!" Minako said, "I'm horrified you'd accuse me of
such a thing."
Narrowing her eyes, Usagi returned Minako's pout with one of her own.
"You are so MEAN, Minako!"
Clutching both of Usagi's shoulders with her hands, Minako faced her friend
desperately. "Don't cry, Usagi! Just help me, please!"
Minako threw out one of the last cards in my game. "For me!"
Usagi opted to use her best defense. "Minako-chan wants me to cheat on
my Mamo-chan!" she screamed in misery. Taking a deep breath, she shut her
eyes and *wailed*.
Birds flew off the branches outside, and people on the street below stopped
and stared.
Behind the door, three girls jumped a mile and fell down on top of each
other. Climbing out of the pile of her friends, Ami picked up a cracked piece
of glass and stared at it in amazement.
"Her voice cracked the glass..."
"Next time remind me to use plastic cups for eavesdropping." Rei
muttered, putting an injured finger in her mouth.
"Who needs a glass, anyway?" Makoto asked dryly. Usagi's wails
still shook the temple foundations.
"It's a testament to the holy ground this is build on that she hasn't
made it fall down years ago." Rei said under her breath, as all three
girls dared the dangerous mission to enter the room.
The two girls stood at odds, feet apart, on guard. Usagi looked
apprehensive, tears still streaming down her face. Minako's eyes were dry but
desperate. Both had fists clenched and a gleam in the blue of their eyes.
'Ironically, I see Minako's point,' Rei thought, 'they DO seem an awful lot
alike sometimes...'
Minako watched Usagi's expression. 'Damn, I forgot about Mamoru-san.' That
was a major kink in the works.
'Well, I hoped it wouldn't come to this but...'
"Usagi-chan?" she said sweetly.
Swallow. "Y-yes?"
"Won't you please do me this favor? I'll return it, I promise."
"Minako, I SAID-"
Before she could explode Minako hurried to finish her statement. "By
never telling the others about-you know."
"You *wouldn't*!"
"Desperate calls measure time, Usagi-chan." Minako said sagely.
"Tell us what?" the girls cried eagerly.
Blushing, Usagi gave Minako dagger eyes. "I call your bluff. I'm never,
ever, by no stretch of the imagination, under any circumstances, going to
pretend to be your twin and go out on this date!"
____________________________________
Saturday Night.Usagi scowled as Minako added the finishing touches to the orange/red bow
that had taken the place of the usual Odangos.
"You look so wonderful with your hair like this, Usagi-chan,"
Minako chattered to her happily. Lately, she was all too happy to cater to
Usagi's every wish, now that she had gotten what she wanted.
'By threat of blackmail,'Usagi remembered darkly. However, she refused to
allow Usagi the comfort of wearing her usual hairstyle.
"Everyone should wear their hair this way, though, I think,"
Minako was thinking to herself out loud again. "But especially people with
the amazing good luck of resembling me."
Smiling at Usagi the way a child does a doll, Minako twisted a curls around
her fingers, brushed some soft blush power over Usagi's cheeks and handed her a
container of lip gloss.
"Some of this and we are almost set! I'm so glad your parents aren't
home tonight. I mean, this gives us so much room to prepare! And forget what
Artemis would say if he knew what I was doing."
Usagi's face resembled a thundercloud. "When I'm ruler of the world,
Aino Minako, you will suffer. Slowly. Painfully..."
"Did you say something?" Minako breezed, still smiling and
smelling of perfume and make-up and confidence.
Usagi glared at her.
Offering the girl one of her own 1000 watt grins, the taller girl ordered,
"C'mon smile!"
*Ring*
Baring her teeth in a rather eerie parody of any emotion other than
homicidal rage, Usagi walked over the phone.
"Moshi moshi. Tsukino residence." She bit out through her teeth.
Then she screamed at the top of her lungs and held the phone in front of her
face, holding it as if it was a poisonous snake.
Minako giggled. "Just tell them 'No, I don't like scary movies', and
hang up," she joked.
Not cracking a smile, Usagi lifted the phone back up to her ear. "Oh
sorry for screaming, Mamo-chan, " she said, wondering if her tiara would
still work, and if it would work against so-called friends with ugly hair bows.
"What? Oh. Nothing. I am doing nothing tonight! No. Oh! Well, I'm
studying. Yeah. Big test...gotta get an A..."
Minako was making cutting motions across her neck. "Usagi-chan, you're
choking!"
"Right, well I know I don't usually study... but tomorrow I have this
huge... Right! Tomorrow! On Sunday, I know . It's weird. Well! Um..." her
voice went up a few octaves. It was difficult to hear her but the neighbor's
dog started barking. "I really have to go now, I love you bye!" She
slammed down the phone, breathing heavily and very pale.
"Smooth," Minako commented. "Look, Usagi-chan, if you don't
want-"
*Ding-dong*
Suddenly forgetting everything she was saying and thinking, Minako jumped in
the air and squealed. "They are here!"
She ran downstairs as fast as anyone in high heels can.
Then she ran back upstairs, pulled Usagi away from staring at the telephone,
and dragged her downstairs.
Sighing, Usagi reached out and pulled the door open.
Here goes nothing.
Famous. Last. Words.
End part one.TBC in part two:
'A New Horror Approaches! High School Boys and Dating!'
or "He's Not Severely Neurotic, He's My Brother" A.N
And I have *no* idea what kind of backmail paydirt Minako has on Usagi that
the others don't. What do YOU think it is??
Feel free to give crit, but know this fic is older than dirt.