Name of the Storyline:  My Little Soldier Adventure

Name of the Creator:  Sailor Selene and Anjyu

Forum: Free Forum

Plot Summary:  
Our first girl (Sailor Twilight Sparkle) looks into the beginning of Equestria and finds a prophecy foretelling Nightmare Moon's return on the longest day in the thousandth year. Nightmare moon was Princess Luna, sister to Princess Celestia.  She became evil after she realized that the people of Equestria didn't love her as much as her sister and that they didn't care for the night. Because of her jealousy and hatred she became evil and tried to create eternal night.  Then Celestia, with the power of the elements of Harmony, sealed Nightmare Moon into the Moon. The girl believes that Nightmare Moon will return the next day at the Summer Sun Celebration to bring about eternal night. She tells Princess Celestia about the prophecy and Celestia sends her with her guardian Spike to make friends with people in a town called Ponyville. The next day Nightmare Moon escapes the moon.

This will start out with the first girl (Sailor Twilight Sparkle) trying to find the other soldiers after Nightmare Moon has made eternal night.  The other senshi will be the only girls who can use the elements of harmony and make the final, unknown, element of harmony appear.   She will have to take a while to find the others. They will also be searching for the elements of Harmony. The known elements of Harmony are honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity and loyalty. While she *(The human name of Twilight Sparkle has not been determined yet) is searching there will be monsters created by Nightmare Moon and they will drain energy from the people of Ponyville because she needs more energy to continue the eternal night.

Details
on any necessary information: The characters are teenagers and they are humans and not ponies. We also want to keep the personalities of the ponies. Their real names are not the Pony names,pony names are only the Soldier names except for Luna and Celestia. Their colors in MLP will be their colors for their fuku. Also we are trying to keep the color of their mane the color of their hair. When they transform they will say "Sailor (insert name here) Cutie Makeup!"  (We might add Princess Cadence, Shining Armor, Sweetie Bell, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom later depending on how the story progresses.)

---Otaku: Otaku Senshi: Sailor Twilight Sparkle, Sailor Applejack, Sailor Fluttershy, Sailor Pinke Pie, Sailor Rainbow Dash, Sailor Rarity, Sailor Luna, Sailor Celestia/Queen Celestia. Guardian Spike.

// Otaku Villains: Main villains are Nightmare Moon, Discord, the Changelings and Queen Chrysalis.  We can make minions of each of these villains.  Nightmare Moon is the main villain in the beginning and we can add the others later.

I will review this either tonight or tomorrow. Posting to let you know I saw it but I am currently being dragged by my boyfriend's little sister to join her and her friends in playing board games.

(Yay for playing board games with people much younger than me >_> )

XD Okay Saturn.

Selene... Is this ready for review? It says WIP

Selene and I talked about this and it's finished.

Yes sorry I didn't change that. It's ready.

I feel like the story description is a bit ::lagging of something::. Perhaps mention why nightmare moon is so bad? Why was Twilight looking around? Is the Role Play going to story with her already have looked in the books and found the prophecy... or is that going to happen in the story line? Add small details like that to give the story line submission some beef



Since Anju is also a creator, feel free to work together and see what should be added to make it more full.

I updated it. Let me know.

Quote :

They will also be searching for the elements of Harmony. The girls are not with the elements of harmony so they will have to search for them

A bit redundant

Quote :

While she is searching there will be monsters created by Nightmare Moon and they will drain energy from the people of Ponyville because she needs more energy to continue the eternal night.

Who is she?

Fix these and I will approve

I don't know Twilight's human name yet so I can't fix the "she" is searching.

ok, why not put

While she is searching there will be monsters created by Nightmare Moon and they will drain energy from the people of Ponyville because she needs more energy to continue the eternal night.

Twilight's human name has yet to be determined.

Okay.

Updated

I don't see any updates? Can you indicate any updates in italics or a different color to make it easy to spot? After approval I will remove the additional text editing.

Red is the added stuff and blue is the changes that I was asked to make.

Approved

YAY! Thank you!