Sportsnutd Lotus Crystal
 
Title : GC's Dark Mercury.RAINBOW DASH BEST PONY! Posts : 6893 Join date : 2015-06-29 Age : 39 Location : Littleton, Colorado
 |  Subject: Lunch under the Cherry Blossom trees  9th December 2015, 8:16 am | |
| (This is my very first time doing a story this long so I hope it's good but I would like opinions/criticism on how i can get better thanks everyone)
It was a December day, and a rarity in the weather department: 78* degrees! Usagi and the girls were off from school till the new year and had decided to have lunch outside being that it was so warm. Also it had been a good while since their battle with Beryl ended as Moon dusted her. The girls were all ready for some relaxation.
They all met at the regular meeting place at the Hikawa Shrine where Rei lived and worked everyday. Ami and Minako were sitting in the room thinking of what they should make, Usagi…one to possibly eat most anything was rambling off different foods she would want as Rei was trying to keep her cool and not snap at Usagi. Makoto had a green notebook and was writing down ingredients and lists of the food that they would need.
Makoto loved this time, she got to show how boss she was at cooking and making Bento boxes.
Minako asked out of the blue, “Should we invite Haruka and the others?”
Usagi stopped talking putting her hand under her chin as if she was thinking then said, “That sounds great but we haven’t seen them for a while and they could be doing something important” Rei giggled, “Wow Usagi..thats something I would expect Ami to say not you.”
Usagi stomped a foot down and stuck her tongue out at Rei as Ami, Minako and Makoto sighed.
An hour had passed once they got back to talking about the lunch and not fighting with each other. It was about 11:45 AM and they decided to have a late lunch hopefully around 1 or 1:30 mostly to give Makoto and whoever helped her time to gather things and cook.
Makoto then closed her notebook and stood up, “Who wants to come help me get this together?” After a minute of no one saying anything, Ami stood up and spoke up, “I can help you Makoto, I don’t mind.” Ami speaking up made Makoto smile happily. “Thank you Ami, so we will meet you all at..um we didn’t have a meeting place yet, any ideas guys?”
They all thought for a couple minutes when Minako said, “What about that nice open park with the cherry blossom trees” The girls all smiled and raised their hand in approval of the idea. “Great!” Usagi almost screamed as she grabbed her stuff and said, “I need to stop off at home real quick but I will meet you all there, ok?”
Makoto and Minako nodded as they too grabbed their items which weren’t much and got ready to go. Makoto waited for Ami to be ready and when she was they left to go gather things. Minako decided to stay back with Rei to help around the Temple if it was needed.
Ami and Makoto were on their way to get the food: Pasta for Minako, sandwich stuff for Ami, cake and other things for Usagi, veggie pizza stuff for Rei and Cherry pie and other stuff for Makoto. About 30 minutes later the girls had carried the bags to Makoto’s home which thankfully was close to the stores plus a nice couple helped them carry a bag or two home.
They got inside and got started with preparing the food. Ami and Makoto like working together and the making of the food went smoothly as they gathers each girls dishes into their bento boxes that Makoto made a while back for each of her friends. “You ready Ami?” Makoto asked and grabbed the bag with the food neatly tucked in. “Yes I am, this will be very fun.” Ami responded while finishing cleaning up and walked out with her friend.
About now it was 15 minutes till they were going to meet, Makoto and Ami got to the park and walked around amazed at how beautiful the cherry blossom trees looked even in December. Minutes later, they found one not covered in much remaining melting snow and they both decided this would be the spot for their picnic. Ami set the blankets down and helped Makoto set out the Boxes. Makoto then got up, backing up a bit and took a picture of the area and texted the others the locations and area they were in.
Afterwards Makoto sat down with Ami an they talked as they waited for the others. Rei and Minako got there first sitting down and looking at the trees and smelling the great food that was prepared. The time now was 1:45 PM and finally Usagi came running over, she stopped in front of her friends panting, “Sorry guys…I stopped at the arcade and lost track of time..” The girls were used to this now but still sighed, “Well now that were all here lets eat” Makoto said as everyone opened their boxes revealing their favorite foods. Hours pass as they ate and enjoyed the rare sunny December day under the cherry blossom trees.
Last edited by sportsnutd on 9th December 2015, 8:38 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Addelyn Lotus Crystal
Title : GC's Official Nephrite Posts : 8024 Join date : 2012-08-04 Age : 34 Location : Canada
| | Subject: Re: Lunch under the Cherry Blossom trees 9th December 2015, 8:31 am | |
| So a few tips in terms of formatting stories.
Everything you have a new character speak it needs to be a new paragraph. Same thing with anytime you switch subject. Having it in a huge block format like this is very difficult to read. |
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Sportsnutd Lotus Crystal
Title : GC's Dark Mercury.RAINBOW DASH BEST PONY! Posts : 6893 Join date : 2015-06-29 Age : 39 Location : Littleton, Colorado
| | Subject: Re: Lunch under the Cherry Blossom trees 9th December 2015, 8:35 am | |
| oh sorry and thanks will fix now.  |
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GreenPea501 Lotus Crystal
Posts : 1453 Join date : 2014-03-15 Age : 38
| | Subject: Re: Lunch under the Cherry Blossom trees 9th December 2015, 11:36 am | |
| its a great one shot but i'm confused as to why you mention the battle with beryl then the Outers. but, like i said its a great one shot. |
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Sportsnutd Lotus Crystal
Title : GC's Dark Mercury.RAINBOW DASH BEST PONY! Posts : 6893 Join date : 2015-06-29 Age : 39 Location : Littleton, Colorado
| | Subject: Re: Lunch under the Cherry Blossom trees 9th December 2015, 11:41 am | |
| - GreenPea501 wrote:
- its a great one shot but i'm confused as to why you mention the battle with beryl then the Outers. but, like i said its a great one shot.
now that i re-read it i question myself too, friend. I think two possible things: I was in a rush/sleepy or i forgot the timeline. silly me lol thanks though |
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