This is a very old fic of mine but I just re-formatted it on ff dot net and I thought I might share it here. Some references are pretty dated. It's meant to be pure humor - Minako and Usagi hijinks.

(ps. This was semi-inspired by an episode of - wait for it - Full House. LOL OMG DATED.)

I don't know why the spacing is all weird. Sorry.



Twins
Chapter One: 'Finding Love! Minako's Brillant Plan!' or "Usagi: You
Want Me to WHAT?"





I leaned my elbows down on the Formica of the counter, my vision trained
and my mind completely focused. I could hear my heart beat in my chest but as
my sense locked on target I completely forgot everything else around me, my
mission became clear to me in that one, single moment of clarity every warrior
faces before the final showdown.


The figure was at 3 o'clock and moving with confidence and grace out of
the Crown Arcade. Tall. Blue eyes. My future
husband. I just knew it.


Standing up, I readied myself.
This is it.


Minako Aino. Femme fatal.


I reached out and wrapped my fingers around the door handle.



Stumbling a little, the young student jumped as he felt his hand cover
someone else's.


"Oh, excuse me!" he murmured politely. The girl who looked up at
him just smiled in a way that made him half want to ask her number, half want
to cut and run.


"No problem. It was my fault." She said, grinning with what should
have been way too many blinding white teeth.


He smiled back, again having a quick debate with himself whether he ought to
leave. She was cute and all, but-


"My name is Aino Minako." Apparently he was fond of puns.


And a conversation ensued. His first name was Kazuaki, which he immediately
gave her permission to use. Sitting across from him in a booth at the diner
(they both "suddenly" had a craving for an impromptu cup of coffee),
Minako couldn't help feeling elated. Finally! Her time had come, true love was
within her grasp.


"Are you ready to go, bro?" a voice by her elbow asked. A very
familiar voice.


Startled, Minako looked up into Kazuaki's blue eyes. But...wasn't he just...






Eyes the size of saucers, Minako whipped her head back and forth between the
identical faces. "Whaa?"


Kazuaki gave a little, sheepish half-smile. "Oh yeah. This is Kaworu.
My little brother."


Twisting his mouth a little, Kaworu offered Minako, "We are
twins."


Sweatdrop. "Of course," she murmured, "I knew that."


"I must apologize about our names," the apparently younger boy
continued, "Our parents are so mundanely cutesy."


'Beautiful Child of Love' scowled a little.


"Well," sheepishness was replaced by embarrassment and regret as
Kazuaki pushed his chair back to stand up, "we should really be going. It
was nice meeting you Aino Minako-san."


"Let's meet again, Kazuaki-san," she replied politely, inclining
her head listlessly. She knew a rejection when she heard one.


Kaworu rolled his eyes at his brother and headed toward the door, waiting
impatiently for Kazuaki.


The guy in question just shrugged helplessly at Minako's downcast face.
"I'd really like to see you again, Minako-san, but I won't go out unless
my brother can, too."


Smiling at his bluntness, Minako confidently tossed glittering strands of
blonde behind her shoulder. "Oh, don't worry, I have lots of
friends..."


"We only date twins. Sorry." Kazuaki said firmly, turning to meet
his brother.


DARN IT! Frustration and disappointment built up as Minako slid back down
into her seat. Yet...
No! This was too close for her to blow this chance! Kazuaki was so... cute...
the way his brown hair fell into his face, the way his eyes lit up when he
talked about himself, and, most importantly, the way... he was there.


'Well, are you the Ai no senshi or not?' Minako asked herself, 'Don't give
up on true love, it only comes to those who believe!'


Just as the boys were nearly out the door, the Senshi of Love, Aphrodite
herself, the beauty Aino Minako stood up and held out a perfectly shaped,
manicured hand.


"Wait!"
____________________________________
"YOU TOLD HIM WHAT?" a chorus of female voices shouted at the
defenseless blonde.






Minako shrugged a little. "I told him I had... a twin sister?" She
offered a nervous smile.


The dark-haired shrine miko slapped herself on the forehead. "Just when
I think you can't surprise us anymore, Minako..."


"What? Rei, I don't do stuff like this all the time! Only when my
future happiness is at stake!"


"Minako," Makoto added from her seat on the porch of Rei's
grandfather's shrine, "you only talked to the guy for about five minutes.
How do you know he's even worth the web of lies you'll have to weave?"


"Not to mention they are going to want to meet this 'twin' of yours
sooner or later, Minako-chan," Ami said wisely.


Minako moaned dramatically. "Actually, it's more like 'sooner'. We have
a date planed for next Saturday. Only, Kazuaki-kun's expecting me to bring a
date for Kaworu, and the only problem is she doesn't EXIST!"


Laughing, Rei shook her head. "You really got yourself into this one,
Minako-chan."


She sniffled. "Love is worth a fair war, Rei-chan."


Sweatdrops all around.


"Minako, I'm not exactly sure even what you mean, but..."


"The things I do for love!" she was still wailing dramatically,
the back of her hand pressed against her forehead, blue eyes becoming water
pools of misery dutiful heartbreak.


"Yeah. The things you do for love. Like that time you dated two men,
*our enemies* no less..." Makoto was getting into this whole situation.
For once, it wasn't her!


"...that time you told that guy you were a high school student but
forgot you were still wearing your uniform..."


"...that time you yelled at those little boys picking on Chibi Usa just to
attract a man, and it turned out that he was their father!"


Makoto sweatdropped. "Um...Rei? That last one was me."


"*Anyway*," Minako was quick to change the subject, "back to
my date. What can I do?"


"Cancel." Ami said, giving Minako a very adult, mature look,
"or tell him the truth and let him cancel. Those are your only choices at
this point."


Pout.


"Aw, c'mon Minako, you wouldn't want this guy anyway," Makoto said
helpfully.


Sulk.


"I mean, 'only dates twins'? That's just not normal. In fact, it
borders on psychotic." Rei tried to calm her down.


Wavering eyes.


Ami searched her mind, "Well... you could just use a friend and say you
are fraternal twins. You didn't say your non-existent sister was identical to
you."


Minako brightened. "Yeah! Hey, Kaworu's really cute, you guys, you'd
li-"


Mako-chan laughed. "No way. No one would believe we were related."
The tall, lanky girl grinned.


The dark-haired and eyed Rei shrugged to the fair-colored girl. "Ditto,
Mina-P. Not that I'd date one of the Bobsey Psycho brothers, anyway." She
added for good measure.


Ami just raised an eyebrow at Minako's look, saying 'What do you THINK I'm
going to say?' without even any words.


Minako felt herself sink even deeper into the darkness of hopelessness and
despair. Why do the horrible things always happen to the beautiful people?


"What am I going to *do* you guys? I can't cancel. All I need is
someone who could pass for-"


Yes, it was her entrance by every story cliché‚ there could be.


Stumbling onto the grounds, out of breath and dragging all the fresh air of
springtime with her, Tsukino Usagi brushed the blonde hair away from her
baby-blue eyes and flashed the group a blinding smile.


"-my sister." Minako finished, trailing off.


"I have a *really* good excuse..." Usagi started, oblivious to
pained looks on her friend's faces, "for being so late, you see..."
she faltered as Minako started walking toward her, mouth curved upwards and eyes
beginning to sparkle.


Usagi nervously backed away, but her feet weren't exactly used to pivotal,
reflexive moments and suddenly she was sitting on her butt on the ground, with
Minako nearly bursting with joy.


“Usagi-chan!" she squealed, "My best friend!"


'Uh-oh.'


Smiling shakily, Usagi climbed to her feet unsteadily. "Hi, Mina-P! How
are you?"


The poor girl apparently didn't notice Ami's twitch or Mako's desperate
attempt to write 'Save yourself' in the dirt with her foot. Rei went inside to
go bang her head against the wall a few times.


Minako thoughtfully sucked in her cheeks, placing a cool hand on Usagi's
face. "Hmm..." she tugged some curls down from where they were
twirled into pigtails.


'Yeah, it's definitely lighter, and finer than my hair,' Minako appraised,
'and she is much paler than I am. And her eyes aren't as deep blue.' She
sighed. 'We can't all be perfect, I suppose.'


But still... Usagi's eyes were nicely shaped, Minako supposed, and she had
the luminous 'moon princess' type quality that could compliment Minako's sunny
gold-centered complexion while still being similar enough to not draw any
suspicions.


In fact...


"Usagi-chan, you are almost as pretty as me!" Minako exclaimed in
surprise. She took Usagi's hand and dragged her into the temple.


A rare sweatdrop appeared between the smaller girl's eyebrows.
"Um...thanks?" she answered, still trying to think about what was
going on.


Not exactly being a perceptive mastermind, the perplexed girl had no choice
but to keep wondering until someone explained it to her, very slowly and using
small words.


No one had such a chance, and so that's how Usagi found herself inside,
suddenly standing before someone she used to love and trust and cherish as a
true friend, but was now very frightened of. Aino Minako suddenly became almost
evil looking when she held a hairbrush and a make-up kit.


"Wait... Minako... " holding up her hands in a surrender-like
motion, Usagi found herself looking around desperately for her friends.


Who seem to have disappeared.


Oh sure.


They dive in front of her to prevent the relatively mild sting of horrendous
death by youma, but when *Minako* had make-over mode attacks, they are
*nowhere* to be found.


'Where's Rei? This is *her* house for godsakes...'


"What is this all about?" Usagi asked, trying to distract Minako
from her suddenly, very egocentric craving to apparently make stuff look like
her.


Minako blinked. And paled. Obviously she forgot Usagi still had to *agree* to
this entire thing.


Biting her lip, Minako stood back a little and observed the situation. Usagi
was eager to help out any friend in need, especially for the sake of love.
However, due to rather obvious reasons, she also didn't like pretending to be
someone she wasn't, when she could help it. Then again, she was very
open-minded about meeting new people. On the other hand, there was that pesky
little morality of Usagi's that would really turn out to be a pain in the butt.


But she was Aino Minako! She could talk her way into anything! Taking a deep
breath, widening her eyes, and biting her lip sadly, she turned to Usagi.


"Do you believe I deserve love?" she asked.


This was going to be child's play.
____________________________________

"You want me to WHAT?"


Or not.

"Look, Usag-"


"Are you CRAZY?"


Placing a hand on Usagi's shoulder, Minako said, "Usagi, please! You
have no idea what this means to me!"


Usagi gave her a Look. "I am not pretending to be your sister,
Minako!"


Minako's eyebrows knitted together. Usagi was hardly *ever* so irrefutable,
why was she acting so out of character? And where did she learn that Look?


"Why not? Is there something wrong with me?" Tears formed along
the sides of the actress's eyes. "I always wanted a sister,
Usagi-chan," she whispered, "and when I met you... we were so alike
and got a long so well, for a while... I felt I'd found one." Minako gave
Usagi a shaky smile. Pressing her fist to her own heart, "Right
here."


Touched, Usagi reached out to her friend, "Oh Minako, it's n-Wait a
minute! You are just saying this so I'll date that guy for you!"


Darn.


"Not true!" Minako said, "I'm horrified you'd accuse me of
such a thing."


Narrowing her eyes, Usagi returned Minako's pout with one of her own.
"You are so MEAN, Minako!"


Clutching both of Usagi's shoulders with her hands, Minako faced her friend
desperately. "Don't cry, Usagi! Just help me, please!"


Minako threw out one of the last cards in my game. "For me!"


Usagi opted to use her best defense. "Minako-chan wants me to cheat on
my Mamo-chan!" she screamed in misery. Taking a deep breath, she shut her
eyes and *wailed*.


Birds flew off the branches outside, and people on the street below stopped
and stared.


Behind the door, three girls jumped a mile and fell down on top of each
other. Climbing out of the pile of her friends, Ami picked up a cracked piece
of glass and stared at it in amazement.


"Her voice cracked the glass..."


"Next time remind me to use plastic cups for eavesdropping." Rei
muttered, putting an injured finger in her mouth.


"Who needs a glass, anyway?" Makoto asked dryly. Usagi's wails
still shook the temple foundations.


"It's a testament to the holy ground this is build on that she hasn't
made it fall down years ago." Rei said under her breath, as all three
girls dared the dangerous mission to enter the room.


The two girls stood at odds, feet apart, on guard. Usagi looked
apprehensive, tears still streaming down her face. Minako's eyes were dry but
desperate. Both had fists clenched and a gleam in the blue of their eyes.


'Ironically, I see Minako's point,' Rei thought, 'they DO seem an awful lot
alike sometimes...'


Minako watched Usagi's expression. 'Damn, I forgot about Mamoru-san.' That
was a major kink in the works.


'Well, I hoped it wouldn't come to this but...'


"Usagi-chan?" she said sweetly.


Swallow. "Y-yes?"


"Won't you please do me this favor? I'll return it, I promise."


"Minako, I SAID-"


Before she could explode Minako hurried to finish her statement. "By
never telling the others about-you know."


"You *wouldn't*!"


"Desperate calls measure time, Usagi-chan." Minako said sagely.


"Tell us what?" the girls cried eagerly.


Blushing, Usagi gave Minako dagger eyes. "I call your bluff. I'm never,
ever, by no stretch of the imagination, under any circumstances, going to
pretend to be your twin and go out on this date!"



Saturday Night.


Usagi scowled as Minako added the finishing touches to the orange/red bow
that had taken the place of the usual Odangos.


"You look so wonderful with your hair like this, Usagi-chan,"
Minako chattered to her happily. Lately, she was all too happy to cater to
Usagi's every wish, now that she had gotten what she wanted.


'By threat of blackmail,'Usagi remembered darkly. However, she refused to
allow Usagi the comfort of wearing her usual hairstyle.


"Everyone should wear their hair this way, though, I think,"
Minako was thinking to herself out loud again. "But especially people with
the amazing good luck of resembling me."


Smiling at Usagi the way a child does a doll, Minako twisted a curls around
her fingers, brushed some soft blush power over Usagi's cheeks and handed her a
container of lip gloss.


"Some of this and we are almost set! I'm so glad your parents aren't
home tonight. I mean, this gives us so much room to prepare! And forget what
Artemis would say if he knew what I was doing."


Usagi's face resembled a thundercloud. "When I'm ruler of the world,
Aino Minako, you will suffer. Slowly. Painfully..."


"Did you say something?" Minako breezed, still smiling and
smelling of perfume and make-up and confidence.
Usagi glared at her.


Offering the girl one of her own 1000 watt grins, the taller girl ordered,
"C'mon smile!"


*Ring*


Baring her teeth in a rather eerie parody of any emotion other than
homicidal rage, Usagi walked over the phone.


"Moshi moshi. Tsukino residence." She bit out through her teeth.


Then she screamed at the top of her lungs and held the phone in front of her
face, holding it as if it was a poisonous snake.


Minako giggled. "Just tell them 'No, I don't like scary movies', and
hang up," she joked.


Not cracking a smile, Usagi lifted the phone back up to her ear. "Oh
sorry for screaming, Mamo-chan, " she said, wondering if her tiara would
still work, and if it would work against so-called friends with ugly hair bows.


"What? Oh. Nothing. I am doing nothing tonight! No. Oh! Well, I'm
studying. Yeah. Big test...gotta get an A..."


Minako was making cutting motions across her neck. "Usagi-chan, you're
choking!"


"Right, well I know I don't usually study... but tomorrow I have this
huge... Right! Tomorrow! On Sunday, I know . It's weird. Well! Um..." her
voice went up a few octaves. It was difficult to hear her but the neighbor's
dog started barking. "I really have to go now, I love you bye!" She
slammed down the phone, breathing heavily and very pale.


"Smooth," Minako commented. "Look, Usagi-chan, if you don't
want-"


*Ding-dong*


Suddenly forgetting everything she was saying and thinking, Minako jumped in
the air and squealed. "They are here!"


She ran downstairs as fast as anyone in high heels can.


Then she ran back upstairs, pulled Usagi away from staring at the telephone,
and dragged her downstairs.


Sighing, Usagi reached out and pulled the door open.


Here goes nothing.


Famous. Last. Words.


End part one.


TBC in part two: 'A New Horror Approaches! High School Boys and Dating!'
or "He's Not Severely Neurotic, He's My Brother"




A.N


And I have *no* idea what kind of backmail paydirt Minako has on Usagi that
the others don't. What do YOU think it is??


Feel free to give crit, but know this fic is older than dirt.

Chapter Two: 'A New Horror
Approaches! High School Boys and Dating!' or "He's Not Severely Neurotic,
He's My Brother"


The evening started innocently enough. The boys had a taxi waiting for them,
in fact, Kaworu was sitting in the front seat already, swapping stories with the
white-gloved taxi driver.


Kazuaki grinned as he walked down the Tsukino's driveway with Minako,
talking animatedly as she used linked her left arm through his.


Her right arm was busy dragging Usagi behind her, by the elbow. The smaller
girl was tripping over her high-heeled shoes and stumbling to keep up with Minako's
superhuman grip, all the while muttering words under her breath that her mother
would have blushed to hear.


Although she looked beautiful under the moonlight with blonde curls loose
around her face, the sparkle in her bright blue eyes was pure deadliness, and
focused straight at her oblivious "sister."


This was going to be a long night.


After Kazuaki helped Usagi and then Minako into the backseat, he joined them
and introduced his brother.


"Kaworu, you've met Aino Minako, of course," he flashed a grin to
the blue-eyed blonde nearest to him, "and this is Aino Usagi, her sister."


Kaworu nodded icily to Minako, a polite half-smile pulling on one side of
his face. Then he turned slightly to get the first look at his date for the
evening.


The second thing he noticed was that she was drop-dead gorgeous.


The third thing he noticed was that besides a slight resemblance, she wasn't
identical to Minako at all.


But the first thing he had realized about his date for the night was that
her blue gaze was locked onto him as if she was almost looking forward to his untimely demise.


At her hands.


'Sometimes, Kazuaki,' he thought, 'I really hate you.'


"So," Kazuaki said cheerfully as he lounged in the cab, his hands
behind his head, "tell me a little bit about yourself, girls."


Usagi grunted, her arms crossed as she stared out the window like she
thought she could break the glass if she glared hard enough. All present sweatdropped.


"Well, what would you like to know?" Minako asked pleasantly,
leaning toward Kazuaki to speak.


"So, who is older?" Asked Kaworu from the front seat, after he
stopped flipping the radio stations from classic rock to acid rock to classic acid rock and finally to
modern classic acid rock.


"I am," Minako said nodding.


Silence reigned again. Kaworu played with some more buttons, cringing when
some loud pop music blared out of one station, only to die a quick death as the
taxi driver reached over to turn off the radio.


Sighing with frustration, Kazuaki leaned over to his brother and said in
what he
apparently thought was a stage-whisper, "KAWORU, WHY DON'T YOU ASK
USAGI-CHAN SOMETHING?"


Then he made an exaggerated move with his head to Usagi, then to Kaworu, and
winked slowly.






"Well, that was a little too subtle for me to really pick up on,"
Kaworu said, "seeing as how I am stupid and blind, but maybe I should ask
Usagi-chan something."


Usagi raised one perfect eye-brow at Kaworu.


"So?" she said coldly.


"So uh… " he sweatdropped, for some reason picturing himself as a
pile of moondust, of
all things, although he had no idea why, "when's your birthday?"


"June 30th," she answered abruptly at the same Minako jumped in
with, "October 22nd."


There was a pause. The brothers shared a look in the review mirror.


"Well," Kaworu finally said, "it must have been one hell of a
labor."


------


"C'mon, Usagi-chan," Minako whispered frantically in her friend's
ear as stood before the movie posters, the boys discussing what they would like to see, "it's not
that big a deal. Let it go, okay?"


"Let it go?" she whispered back, "Let it go? 'Please excuse
my sister, my parents dropped her on head as a child, so she's a little slow' and I'm supposed to let
that go?"


Minako shrugged, biting her lip, "Sorry, Usagi-chan, but really! I
mean, how else were they going to believe that you'd get your own birthday wrong! By four months
forgodsakes! You should be grateful I made up an excuse for you!"


It was probably lucky for Minako that she was so busy admiring Kazuaki's
figure as he stood before the poster for the newest action movie that she missed the faint
color of purple Usagi was turning.


"Well, let's go get in our two cents before they chose the movie for
us!" Minako said lightly, putting her arm around her fuming friend and walking to the boys.


"So what's the verdict so far?" she asked, grinning as Kazuaki
came over to stand by her.


"Well, the newest martial arts movie looks really good." She
raised her eyebrows.


"Apparently," Kazuaki's eyes were lit up as he explained,
animatedly talking with his hands, "there are over 42 violent explosions, 12 gang fights, 7 guys in
leather with bad accents, and a half-way conceivable plot!"


Usagi looked up at him for a minute before asking, in her sweet child-like
voice, "So,
there is fighting? And violence? And people end up dead?"


"Uh-huh," Kazuaki nodded.


"I'm in." Might as well vent some of my anger through kicking watching
someone else baddie butt, she thought.


Minako removed her arm and glared at her fake sister, "But Usagi! Would
you
rather see a romance?" She gestured at the newest imported American teeny-bopper
romance flick, 'Drive Me Down To You', "It has the guy from Dawson's Creek in
it!"


"I want martial arts!" Said Kazuaki.


"I want romance!" Cried Minako.


"A *romance*?" Kaworu stuck his finger down his throat, making an
unattractive noise,
"I’d rather die."


"Okay," Usagi answered cheerfully.


"I want my mommy," offered Kaworu, sweat dropping.


"I want to go home," said Usagi.


"Let's get some snacks!" Minako's voice was tinged with
desperation.


-----


"You know," Minako muttered under her breath as Kazuaki purchased
popcorn for him and Junior Mints for his date, "You don't have to be so ice-princess-y to
Kaworu-san."


Usagi sighed. "But Minako, I don't want him to… end up…" her voice
dropped in
completely disgust, "*liking* me or anything."


Pursing her lips a little, she said, "Well, you know, some guys do like
when girls act all coy and standoffish. Maybe if you didn't want him to have romantic feelings for
you, you could just act like your normal self a—OUCH!"


The brothers turned around in concern as Minako limped around a bit,
clutching at her left foot.


Usagi smiled as she hid her high-heeled right foot behind her leg.
"Oops."



It was later that the foursome found seats in the front row for the newest
teenage high school romance flick, Kaworu struggling with a large popcorn, super size soda,
bag of gummy bears, and a kit-kat bar.


After they were all seated, to Usagi's dismay she was placed between Minako
and Kaworu, the younger of the twin boys handed the food to the younger of the
"twin" girls.


"Thanks!" Usagi said, giving him her first real smile of the
night, "So, what are you going to have?"


Kaworu wondered for a moment if one could actually dehydrate from
sweatdropping at their date too much in one night.


The lights dimmed, the music started, and the group sat back as the previews
flashed across the screen.


The brothers exchanged a look, over Usagi and Minako's heads. One grinned.
The night had just begun.


It was about five minutes into the first half of the coming attractions,
Pepsi commercials, and theater disclaimer that always preceded every major motion picture, when
Kazuaki pretended to yawn, stretching his arms over the back of Minako's seat.
She giggled, snuggling in closer as they placed the popcorn bucket between
them, letting their hands brush together.



'Gee, this isn't so bad,' Minako thought, relaxing a little, 'rather worth the
hell I went through to get here.'


Out of the corner of his blue eyes, Kaworu glanced at Usagi. She caught him
looking, and pressed even further to the other side of her seat, narrowing her eyes at
him. "You try anything," she said in a voice she had heard Mako-chan use more than once,
"and this is you."


With a flip a soft gummy object fell into the boy's hand.


A yellow gummy bear lay flat across his palm, the head no where to be found.


'I didn't realize we were dating the Sweet Valley Psycho Twins' he thought,
sending a glare over to his rather engrossed older brother.


Yes, the night was just beginning.


Dammit.


------


"Oh, you mean you want to take ME to Prom?" an overly excited
seiyuu's voice filled the theater, dubbed poorly over an American actress with too much lipstick.


'Gosh, American teens are obsessed with this "prom" thing,' Usagi
thought, shaking her head, 'I wonder what that is… some sort of food maybe?'


She jumped as Minako shifted, her elbow hitting Usagi's shoulder.


Again.


"And to think I could have been watching stuff explode," Kaworu
muttered under his
breath, his arms crossed over his chest. Usagi glared at him.


This was getting insane! It wasn't like he loved blind dates, but Kazuaki
had insisted they only date other twins, as to avoid messy breakups, mix ups, and blow ups. God,
but his brother could be an idiot sometimes. A very, very insistent idiot. With
a thing for blondes.


However, as much as he hated blind dates, he didn't seem to be as against it
as this 'Tsukino' girl, (or that was her name according to the mailbox at the house
they where they had picked up the girls). He wondered whether his brother was
falling for their trick.


Probably. Probably didn't even realize they were being played for fools.


Kaworu watched impassively as Usagi and Minako pushed past him, noting for
once it was his brother's date being dragged forcefully somewhere.


Once the girls disappeared and the boys were alone, he turned to Kazuaki's
lipstick- stained face.


"This sucks," he said, "it's time for some fun."


Two can play at this game, he thought.


------


"Jeeze, Usagi," Minako said, as she took advantage of the mirror
in the girl's room, "what was so important you had to drag me out of the theater?"


Usagi just glowered. Her face was starting to hurt from keeping this form.


"Minako," she said, her voice like steel, "I am hating this.
More than I thought I
would. I am NOT having fun. I hate this movie, I hate my date, I am having a
guilt attack worse then a tsunami every time I even think of Mamo-chan, and even
my damn gummy bears are stale!" Stamping her foot, this time on the tile
instead of Minako's foot, thankfully, the angry little rabbit awaiting her
friend's reaction.


For a moment Minako just stared back into Usagi's eyes. Then she sighed.


"I’m sorry." She said. Usagi nearly fell over.


"What?"


"I said I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Usagi-chan, I really, really am.
But," Minako stared at her reflection in the mirror, sad blue eyes into sad blue eyes, "I think I
really feel something for Kazuaki. I wouldn't put you through anymore of this
if it didn't mean a lot to me."


Usagi visibly softened, shoulders slumping, feeling slightly less tense now that…that…horrid…
boy was far, far away from her.


"I'm not doing this again," Usagi said, "after this American
kissing movie is over, I'm going home and we are never. To. Speak. Of. This.
Again."


'I guess once I convince Kazuaki we are meant to me, he'll understand if my
'sister' doesn't want to go out anymore.'


"Okay." Minako said, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder,
"thank you, Usagi-chan," she smiled.


After a while Usagi smiled back.


"Hey, Minako-chan?" Usagi asked, as her friend was packing her
make-up back into her purse.


"Yeah?" the girls turned to leave, walking through the girl's room
door.


"There is something in this movie that is confusing me…"


"Hmm?"


"What's a 'French kiss'?"


Minako raised her eyebrows, blushing a little, "You mean you don't
*know*?" She
motioned for Usagi to lower her voice in the crowded lobby.


Usagi shook her head, wide blue eyes staring innocently and trustingly up at
her older, wise-in-the-ways-of-love friend. "Uh-uh."


Still blushing, Minako glanced quickly around and then whispered something
quickly into Usagi's ear. The smaller girl gasped, putting a shocked hand to
her mouth, a bright flush staining her cheeks as well.


She looked up at Minako in amazement, her next words causing heads to turn
throughout the refreshment stand and ticket booth area,


"You—you mean they have a *name* for that!"


And, once again, Tsukino Usagi found herself being dragged by the elbow at
breakneck speed to someplace she really didn't want to be.


"C'mon Usagi-chan," Minako mumbled, still recovering from her
friend's outburst before, "take heart, the movie is almost half-over."


They walked through the doors while Usagi repeated that glorious phrase over
and over in her mind, 'almost half-over, almost half-over.'


However, the real night ahead was truly just beginning.


-----



To be continued in Part Three: 'The
Dance of Deception! It Takes Two to Tango' or "Watch Your HANDS You
Hentai!"
Including fun ways to inflict pain on your blind date, the real reasons
accident-prone people should not be allowed to wield super buttery popcorn, and why you should
always, always have a ride lined up in case of an emergency.

I like this so far! It's cute and funny AND totally something Minako would pull off!! I'm sure there are some cultural mess ups. Is the Japanese movie theater the same over here with all the popcorn and american candy (i know they have kit-kats in japan so i think we're ok XD) or would they have more Japanese snacks? Hm...Its more out of curiosity for me than anything. XD

Keep it comin!

Thank you! I <3 Minako's crazy antics.

Yeah, you know I completely forget if people eat in movie theaters over there! I kept the food for comedic value (I know they have gummy bears and kit kat and whatnot in Japan but I don't know if it's common movie theater food or just stuff you buy at the 7/11!) but yeah now I'm curious, too! Off to google I go.

(Although imo Usagi would eat in a movie theater. But that's just because Usagi would eat anywhere regardless of social graces...)

Chapter Three:
'The Dance of Deception! It Takes Two to Tango' or "Watch Your HANDS You Hentai!"

"Are you sure?"


"Yes."


"Are you sure you are sure?"


"Yes."


"…"


"…"


"Are you positive?"


"_Yes._"


Snicker. "Only fools are positive."


"Oh, god, grow UP baka."


Kazuaki paused, tapping his finger to his chin. "So the girls are tricking us, eh?"


Kaworu wished for the millionth time he had been an only child. "Yes."


"Kaworu…"


"Yes, Kazuaki?"


"Let's get even."


'God help me,' Kaworu thought.


When a flustered Minako and flailing Usagi entered the blessed darkness of the movie theater, a peace settled over the former's beautiful face.


She schooled her features into a dazzling smile and tossed her hair, prepared to face her date again and make him fall hopelessly in love with her.


Minako started to stride down the isle with the poise of a beautiful, confident woman out to conquer the world, when she stumbled violently at the tug of Usagi's small hand on her sleeve.


"Mina-P!" the future queen of the world whispered.


"What!" Minako hissed, regaining her balance.


"Where were we sitting?"


Minako blinked into the murky darkness and the shadowy identical figures of all the movie goers shoved into seats.


"Damn."


Tug tug.


"Mina-P?"


"What, Usagi!"


"I want some more popcorn."
~~


Kazuaki shivered slightly. "How come they always air condition movie theaters so it's the same temperature as the artic?" He whispered to his brother. "I'm freezing my butt off!"


Kaworu rolled his eyes, pulling Kazuaki's sweater over his head, "It could be because you don't have a shirt on, baka."
Kazuaki blinked, and quickly covered his bare chest with Kaworu's t-shirt. "Some dumbass idea you had, bro."


"_I_ had?" he said, his voice almost screeching with his effort to be quiet, "_I_ was not the one who decided that we should go through with this stupid date in the first place. NOR, brother dear brother, was I the mastermind behind the plan that required us to both get half naked in a movie theater, god forbid there was a fire drill and we had to leave the theater looking as if we just did a love scene from some Kaori Yuki-obsessed fangirl's eechi doushinji—"


"SHHHHHH!" the middle aged woman behind them finally decided she had enough of the noisy foursome in front of her.


"Excuse me, ma'am, for hindering your enjoyment of this cinematic masterpiece," Kaworu muttered, crossing his arms. "You better be right, bro."


"'bout what?" Kazuaki was munching on his popcorn, watching the movie like nothing was wrong.


"This better be as fun as you say it will."


~~
"Sorry, sorry!" Minako said as she excused her way through the row of annoyed movie- goers, peering into each one's face.


"They aren't in this row," she said when she met up with Usagi in the middle isle. Usagi was munching happily on a super-jumbo-titanic-king-size-feeding-frenzy-for-two bucket of super buttery popcorn.


"Not that row either," she said between bites, spraying little bits of popcorn on to Minako's perfect make-up job.


"Ewww, Usagi, I want the news not the weather!"


"SHHHHHH!"


"Sorry ma'am!"


Usagi began to search through the next row up, when her foot caught on the carpet of the aisle and she tumbled backward over the back of the chair in front of her to the second row in. Thousands and thousands of buttery popcorn kernals rained down like… well, rain or something. Right over the hapless person sitting next to her.



Blinking up in discombobulated wonder, Usagi watched the scene unfold between strands of golden hair falling over her eyes.


"WHAT THE F-!"


"Oh my god! Usagi!"


"My shirt!"


"You mean _my_ shirt!"


"SHHHHH!"


Then three voices, "Sorry, ma'am!"


Usagi straightened up and looked forlornly at her popcorn, which was now a buttery mess on one of the brothers… um, let's see… the stripped shirt was Kaworu….so Kaworu's shirt. Her lip trembled, and her eyes widened.


Then she began to laugh, hysterically.


"We found them, Minako!" she said.


"I wanna go home…" Kazuaki said under his breath.


After they had settled down to finish watching the last half hour of the movie, Usagi was finally starting to relax. The night hadn't sucked so bad after all. She got some free candy, and also felt the satisfaction of dumping a whole buttery tub of messy popcorn over the head of one of the people responsible for the whole date anyway.


All in all, life was good.


And she'd never had to do this again.


Grinning, she flipped some glittering strands of hair behind her shoulders, and leaned back in the seat, and put her hand on her knee.


Wait a minute.


Her hand wasn't on her knee.


Then whose….


"AUGH! PERVERT" She jumped up as quickly as she could, jujubes flying off her lap and on to various innocent people. The twin sitting next to her removed the offending hand and smacked himself in the forehead with it.


A bright, blinding light filled the isle. "Excuse me," a jumpy, squeaking voice said, "is there a problem here?"



The pimply faced usher holding the flashlight looked apprehensive. "We've been getting some complaints about noise…"


Usagi opened her mouth to tirade against the harassment done to her person, when Minako quickly danced up from behind and clamped her hand over Usagi's mouth.


"Oh, no, sir, everything is fine," she said, breezily. "We'll try to keep it dow—OUCH! What the he-, she BIT me!"


Free from Minako's grip, Usagi wailed, "No, sir, everything is NOT fine! I want to go home! NOW!"


"Kazuaki, you idiot!"


"WAAAAHHHHHH!"


"Wait, huh? I thought you were Kaworu?"


"For the first half of the movie."


"WHA-?"


"WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"


"You two switched on us?"


"Yeah, well, WE aren't the liars here, Aino-san and Tsukino-san!"


"SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"


"Sorry!"
~~~~


Both girls sat in silence on the curb outside of the movie theater. Hair that was perfectly put-up and curled was flat and frizzy and falling out of the ribbons holding it up. Make-up was smudged, dresses were stained.


Kazuaki had been so angry at being lied to that Minako decided she probably wouldn't be able to win him over with just a few smiles.


She got his number anyway, though.


Earlier, Kaworu took Usagi aside to apologize to her, since he had a feeling that she was also an unwilling victim in the whole scheme. He told her about how he read her mailbox and knew she wasn't who she said she was. And that he was so sorry about this whole mess.
Unfortunately, she was crying so hard that he finally gave up and walked away with his fuming brother.


Minako sighed.


"I've had better nights," she admitted. Usagi nodded.


"Like that time we fought Beryl at the north pole?"


"Or that time we stormed that building with that killer tree and the aliens?"


"Yeah, or the time I got kidnapped by Demando?"


"Or the time I dragged one of my best friends on a bogus date against her will and put my whole friendship in jeopardy for some guy?" Minako said, hesitantly.


"Yeah, that was pretty dumb."


Usagi was quiet for a bit, then smiled. "I forgive you, though."


Minako breathed a sigh of relief, "Good!"


"But I am never, EVER, doing something like this again!" She said pointedly.


"Amen." Minako muttered.


Sighing, she leaned her head on Usagi's shoulder and Usagi tilted her head to Minako's.



The girls stared out into the night.


After a few minutes, Usagi tugged on Minako's sleeve again.


"Hey…. Minako?"


"Yeah?"


"Do we have a ride home? Or any money or anything?"


"…."


"…."


"…."


"Damn."


Kaworu sighed as the taxi pulled up to his house. He hoped he'd never see either of those two girls again. Good thing Tokyo was such a big city. He shook his head. 'You never know what sort of weirdoes you meet.'


Kazuaki ran up the stairs and slammed his door as hard as he could the second the twins got home. Kaworu knew he'd be sulking up there for a hours. If not days.


"Oh, we have a message," he muttered, pressing the flashing 'play' button on the answering machine they shared.


"Hello? Kazuaki-san? Kowaru-san? We need a ride home from the movie theater…."


Kaworu shut his eyes. 'Why am I not an only child?"
~~


A fresh-faced and cheerful, Minako smiled happily as she leaned against the wall of the movie theater.


"Gee, Usagi-chan, we were stranded with no money and only a pay phone! How did we ever get in touch with the twins to come bring us home?"


Usagi smiled cheerfully and reached in her purse. "Good question, Minako! Well, I am never out of touch with anyone now that I have my…." She pulls out a long, yellow fruit.



"'Nanaphone!"


"Nanaphone?" Minako said in awe.


"That's right! Not only is it a great way to call people, (it's phone-shaped see?), but if you get hungry because you dumped your popcorn on an ass-grapping high school perv, it's also a handy snack!"


"Wow!" Minako tossed her hair behind her shoulder, "Where can I get one?"


Usagi nodded happily, "I'm glad you asked that, Minako! Anyone can get a nanaphone!
All you have to do is—"


She stopped suddenly, and gave an over-exaggerated look of surprise, "Oh, I can't talk now! I have a call!"
Placing the banana to her ear, she nodded happily with a grin, "Moshi moshi?"


Minako winked, and gave a thumbs up.


Nanaphones! Get yours today!
(available at your neighborhood grocer)

And the moral of the story is:


It doesn't have make sense if it has a nanaphone.
Or,
All's Well that Ends Well
Or,
Don't you wish you had a nanaphone?


The end of TWINS!
Oh the adventure! The wonder! The magic! It touches us all!
What a masterpiece of literary genius! Three thumbs up!

Or... NOT.

OH LAWD. THE NANAPHONE AT TH END. LOLS.

Lol, that does remind me of a sitcom.

That was really funny! ^^