ready to go for review i think

anyone?

Hi!

I'm sorry for the perceived delay; many of the points I made on the review of Evil Queen Catarina would also apply to this profile in order to meet advanced standards, namely:

1. Instructional Text: There are some fields that still contain instructional text; please keep the bolded section titles, but remove all of the profile skeleton instruction text ((For example, there should be no "The ____ should involve" or "This field is for" or "Optional!" sentences))
   
   
2. Appearance: While what you have for appearance gives a good general checklist, for an advanced profile I would like to see more. I'd like to get a feel for her through her looks and a feel for your descriptive writing through the way you present this first field of the profile. A suggestion for this profile, in particular, would be to take it slower and draw out some of the details into their own descriptive sentences; for example, what would you notice first upon looking at Gwen? What feature of hers stands out the most? Her height? Her hair style? Her eyes? Her fashion sense? Describe that feature first and in greatest detail, as that is what these fictional people would notice first and probably have the most lasting impression about. From there describe the features surrounding it - for example, if her hairstyle was the first thing someone noticed, describe it, then go into the hair color, and then maybe from there how the hair color accents her skintone, or how the cut actually flatters her face, or how it does not, and then go from that jumping point to something else until you've pretty much got a stylized walkthrough of what someone sees if they met your character, or maybe what your character would see in their own reflection ((without mentioning that fictional character or that she was looking in the mirror)).  Rather than mention a reference, work it into the description so that someone might, on their own, go "oh, that kinda reminds me of so-and-so." Maybe describe one of her favorite t-shirts, or list some quotes from her favorite shirts so we know what kind of cute shirts she likes - butterflies and bumblebees? clean and neat but with a cute frilly cut? a ridiculous picture of a cartoon taco? There are a lot of "cute"'s out there that can be used to portray personality through fashion choices!
   
   
3. Personality: I think what you have is a good couple of statements, but the flow isn't quite there yet. What I get from what you've got is that she's independent, a little controlling (in the sense that it reads like she likes to control her environment (prefers working alone and deciding how jobs are done, yet following prelaid plans perfectly) and maybe vengeful, but it's all from specific examples in compartmentalized parts of her life - more like her personality when working rather than her personality overall. if she works a lot, maybe start off with that, so the reader knows where she's coming from, and then mention a personality trait and then give examples to back it up; it fleshes out the section more and gives some background for anyone who needed to know more information about the character. Additionally, I'd like to see more about her villainous deeds and why she does them; the "bad things" that she does - what are they? Why does she do them? What drives her? What's her motivation? Maybe work in that motivation at the very beginning of the section, so it's clear the character fits within an antagonist spot rather than a protagonist spot.
   
   
4. History: It's cute, but the intro to the history isn't necessary XD To flesh out this section more, what kind pranks did the two girls play that they blamed on Gwen? Whom did they play them on? What kind of trouble did Gwen get into when her sisters blamed her for those pranks? Like did she get grounded or was it worse? Did her parents ever suspect that Gwen wasn't the culprit, or were they completely fooled by the other two girls? Did their opinion of Gwen change overtime, influencing Gwen's opinion of herself? Did she run away because she knew her parents wouldn't believe that the trick backfired / something went wrong / it was an accident? What was the trick she played? Could she have been sent to jail for it? What would her parents having enough mean to Gwen - what kind of punishment was in store?
   Where did Gwen go when she ran away? Where did she get the skills to start? What was the name of the girl she forced to teach her karate? If the girl taught her, was Gwen just a fast study to be able to overpower her, or did Gwen trick her or hit her when she was down or not looking in order to hurt her so? Did she cut off the girl's hand? How? ((mind, keeping it PG-13 in the descriptions XD))
   Is she running from place to place within a city, or across the country? Is she getting by on stealing cash? If she's trying to be hired as a hitman, how is she getting her name out there to the criminal underground? What's the story there?
   This history section has a good basic bones structure, but it feels a little vague without specific points to hold on to - you don't need to be 100% specific everywhere - like if you wanted to gloss over becoming a hitman, it could be something like "she got her name out as a hitman when she accidentally killed a mafia bodyguard and ended up taking a job for the boss; ever since, he's given her steady business and spread her name around to other crime syndicates - she's known as the _super awesome nickname based on her specific style choices_"
   
   
5. Other Noteworthy Facts: !! What kind of sports does she like? Did she play any sports? Using a baseball bat (as a weapon, i presume?) did that start because she was really good at softball or baseball growing up? This is a nice hook to either leave here, or to weave into her history!
   
   
6. Weapons or Magical Items: This section can be deleted as there aren't any other parts of the Senshi Information in this profile and the weapons are mentioned in the "Other Noteworthy Facts" section.
   

Rather than a starting point, the above is everything I'd like to see amended before I approve this as an Advanced Profile, and I can continue to review it as Advanced whenever the changes are made (when making changes for me, it is unnecessary to change font colors; I will reread all sections again), just post "updated and ready for review" when you're ready for me to take another look.

As is, with reformatting, this would be approved as Relaxed. If you would like to go that way, please reformat the sections and retag the title to read [Relaxed] and you will be instantly approved. Remember, while Relaxed profiles can only be used in Relaxed storylines, relaxed storylines are in no way lesser than Advanced storylines - they simply provide more freedom.

updated and ready for review

Hi again!

The only changes that need to be made is to reformat to the Relaxed Character Profile formatting, which can be found here; as is there are too many fields - several of the advanced fields are absorbed into the "Additional Information" field for relaxed profiles. 

If you would like to keep that information (such as History, Other Noteworthy Facts ((Weapons/magical items can be absorbed into other noteworthy facts, or her weapons can be taken out of other noteworthy facts - please do not leave that information on there twice to reduce redundancy))) separated, add them in as a list underneath the "Additional Information" header.


Once it's cleaned up it will be good to go!