The Yuletide or christmas time is the best! it’s time to spend with all you family and closest kin. It is a time of joy, caring and love..though for me a few years ago..it wasn’t like that at all. I had a death in my family a couple months before christmas and it wasn’t just me who was down. My mom, dad, 4 cousins and their families were sad. My grandma had passed away and she was one of the few in the family that cooked for the holiday. Also, not only did she cook she told the best stories, she made the best hot cocoa and even the best desert of all christmas time: The chocolate yule log! Though she will be missed, the season will go on. We will be together more, Carol more, and most of all celebrate the Yuletide season more then ever. She is there with us all, in spirt all the year.

You hated the holidays, it only served to remind you how much your family hated you. They didn’t like that you wanted to become a freelance photographer and not a lawyer like your parents. Lawyers were boring and stuffy in your option, and you couldn’t see the only person hadn’t disowned you because he joined the military. Thought today you where depressed because you had just read that your only grandmother had passed away. You couldn’t see her because of your father; your grandmother was the one to give you, your love of photography. You were glad though that she had a chance to meet your boyfriend. 

flashback:  grandmother are you in? [sebin] in the kitchen sebin. [subin] you walked into the kitchen followed by your boyfriend and the others.  Grandmother I’d like you to meet my boyfriend taekwoon and his groupmates, the leader, hak yeon or N;  jaehwan or ken;  wonshik or ravi; hong bin; sanghyunk or hyunk; guys this is my grandmother  kim su bin. [sebin]  Hello grandma kim! [vixx]  oh you boys are so nice. [subin] no, grandma you can’t have one of them, they’re too busy and I don’t think grandfather would like it much. [sebin] your grandfather is dead sebin, I doubt he’d care. [subin] I know grandmother but he loved you so much that I don’t know,  I guess I kind of want that too one day. [sebin] you will sebin, you’ve got a god boyfriend, he’ll take care of you and so will his friends and your brother . [subin]   :end flashback

your boyfriend had taken you for a walk in the park but, you’d been too lost in memories and had lost him it seemed, well he was easy to find since you knew there was a coffee shop just around the corner, sure enough as you rounded the corner there was leo , well he was taekwoon today it seemed or so he said. 

Taek-oppa… [sebin] oh there you are, I was worried I’d lost you. [leo] more like I lost you, silly coffee kitty. Wink [sebin] I’m not a kitty. [leo] yes you are. You’re a cute adorable coffee kitty.  [sebin] –pouts- [leo] aww don’t pout kitty. [sebin] seeeeeebbbiinnnn [leo; pouty voice] I’m sorry oppa, your just so cute sometimes. [sebin] and you’re a mean girlfriend. [leo] no I’m not.  I’m not any worse than the members are, I just get away with more because you love me so, right kitty? [sebin]

He got this look in his eye that meant if I didn’t run for it I was a goner. So I slowly backed out of the coffee shop and turned and ran back the way I had come.  I knew he’d catch up to soon enough.

Ok what’s wrong? I know something’s wrong. [leo] nothing just thinking of my grandmother is all. [sebin] oh right she passed today, I’m sorry I’m an idiot for bringing you out here aren’t I? [leo] no, you’re not. You’re the best boyfriend I could have. You got me out of my apartment without knowing why I needed to get out. I thank you for it because otherwise I’d just be crying in my bed, I’m sure. So thank you. [sebin] your welcome sebin. Wanna go back to the dorm and feed my idiot group mates? [leo] yeah lets go make sure they haven’t burned the place down while trying not to starve for an hour. [sebin] they can’t boil water sebin, I think they’re ok. [leo] let’s HOPE so or your cleaning it all up. [sebin] that’s evil. [leo] I know it is that’s why I said it. [sebin]

-At the dorm of said k pop idol group-
When do you think they’re coming back? I need food. [hyuk] soon I hope, I want food too. [hongbin]
-Door opens- well, the building is still standing, so I guess I was right. [leo] cheater. You cheated. I know you did. [sebin] I didn’t cheat, I just happen to know these idiots better then you. [leo] yeah ok laugh it up. [sebin] 

A few days later it was Christmas eve and sebin was even more down, it had finally sunk in that her grandmother was gone and she had no one to spend it with. Your older brother was more than likely going to be with their parents if he got the a few days off, though he’d probably  come see her before he left just to give her, her gift.  She’d call her boyfriend and the others after Christmas and see how everything went, but for now it was just her.  It was around 3 o clock when sebin heard a knock at her door. She was confused as to who it was since no one ever came to see her besides her boyfriend and the other members of vixx, but she also knew it wasn’t them. Opening the door she was shocked to see it was said boyfriend and other vixx members. 

What in the world are you doing here? Why aren’t you with your families? [sebin] you ARE our family too sebin, our families understand why we’re here I promise and there ok with it. [N]  We love you sebin! [hyuk] 
Sebin turned and looked at all the member of vixx until she landed on her boyfriend, he had a soft smile and a twinkle in his eyes that made sebin cry happy tears because she was sure no one had cared about her. 
Don’t cry sebin, you know I hate that. [leo] these are happy ones taek- oppa. Im just shocked your all here. [sebin] like N hyung said. You’re our family too. [leo] OPPA! [sebin]

Sebin fell into her boyfriend’s arms in happy tears because she had a family that wasn’t just her, her grandmother and her older brother.

Makoto snapped awake in her bedroom, the echoing of thunder and a dying turbine’s whine still in her ears. For a long moment, she stared at the ceiling in silence, letting her breathing even out again. It was barely morning, and pale sunrays slipped through her window, illuminating the snow outside. 

It was just a dream, she thought. One that she wished hadn’t happened, but it was no excuse to cry. After repeating it a few times, she worked up the energy to sit up. Her tired eyes adjusted to the light and fell on the calendar. December 5th. A short laugh slipped out of her mouth, and Makoto rubbed the few tears that had run down her cheek with a hand.

“What a birthday present…” she grumbled, voice raw. She wasn’t going to acknowledge the lump stuck in her throat. Makoto finally got up and forced herself to get ready. Going right back to bed was tempting, but she was sure her friends would try to break down her door if she abandoned them today. At least she didn’t have to deal with school...

After showering long enough to raise goosebumps on her skin, she dressed and tied her hair up in her customary ponytail. Makoto hesitated, and then grabbed the pair of rose earrings off her night stand. Bad memories or not, they were a part of her. 

For once, she didn’t want to cook anything, and so breakfast was skipped in favor of going out for a walk. The photograph sitting in the living room’s small altar was pointedly avoided as she went out the door. 

Mako listened to the snow crunching under her boots as she wandered, no destination in mind. As long as she didn’t think about it, she’d be okay. 

A plane passed over Tokyo, stopping her in her tracks with the sound. She fought to push the rising panic back down and swallowed hard, making sure she didn’t gasp out loud. She was eighteen now, and high school seniors didn’t cower behind trees and wish for people they couldn’t have.

The sound faded, leaving her with nothing but frustration with herself, and an acute sense of aloneness. It was ridiculous to fall apart at the smallest thing that brought the memories back. That was then and this was now. Determined to completely distract herself this time, she grit her teeth and broke into a run. The streets were mostly empty at this hour, but she barely looked up to dodge the other people on the sidewalk, too focused on pushing herself to the physical limit. Time slipped by as she cut through the park, and eventually her path turned back to her apartment, the sun much higher in the sky.

Red faced and panting, Makoto slowed down as she took the stairs to the second level. Her legs burned from the effort, but the exhaustion did numb her in a way. After fumbling with her keys, she pushed her door open, only to be greeted by the startled faces of the other senshi in her living room.

“Mako!” Usagi slammed into her and hugged her tightly, almost knocking them both over. Makoto steadied them both, and then returned the hug after hesitating. Rei, Ami, and Minako ran to meet up with them.

“We were trying to surprise you by coming over early, but you weren’t here,” Minako said.

“You didn’t even answer our calls to your communicator…” Ami continued. “We thought something might have happened to you.” Had her watch even beeped? She couldn’t recall much of what had happened during her impromptu jog.

“You’re okay, right?” Usagi asked, her voice muffled by Makoto’s jacket. She still refused to let go. 

“Usagi, let her breathe, would you?” Rei narrowed her eyes at the other girl, and then turned back to Mako. “But...you are okay, right?” She wasn’t sure how to react to all the sudden concern for her wellbeing, but something about having everyone worrying about her made the nightmare’s hold on her mood loosen.

“Yeah…” Makoto couldn’t stop herself from smiling, even if it was a small one. “I’m fine.” She’d be okay now, at least. The room’s atmosphere defrosted with her, and she was soon dragged into the kitchen to look at the ice cream cake they had found. 

And as they all slept in a messy pile on her living room floor hours later, their party somehow turned into an overnight event, the turbine’s haunting sound faded a little further in her dreams.